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Struggling to get by

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  • July 19, 2016 at 7:11 pm #110106
    HealingWords
    Participant

    Hello All,

    A few weeks ago I returned from out west, I had been out there for over a month and developed a sense of belonging in the mountains. Now I am back “home” near the city. I fallen back into old habits, thinking about how empty I feel in my life. I desperately want to change my life but don’t know how to do it and when I can. I have had a lot of pressures from my family to stay, that I am being irrational especially since I have been struggling with finding a job out there. I have an internship here that I should stay at to get experience with. It is by no means a bad job, but it just isn’t what I want to do past this summer. If it weren’t for my parents, I would live in my car out there until I got my act together, but I won’t do that because I don’t need the criticism.

    I am struggling with loneliness, I am back in a position where I do not have any friends, which isn’t new but I have at least had the hope of friendships the last two years at my university, but now I don’t have to step foot in that dreadful place and I don’t want to. I have been convincing myself that taking the move to where I want to be will open doors to people who I can relate better too, but I know that isn’t true. I keep having this feeling that I will be alone for most of my life, I have said this a few times on other post but I cannot shake this feeling that I am not capable of connecting with people, and that I will never find a guy to fall in love with who will feel the same.

    I know my unhappiness is my fault. I know that I could put more effort into starting friendships with people I don’t entirely relate too. I know I could be grateful I have a job here and that I am learning so much. I know I should look at what I have rather than what I could have. But I am just so tired of same thing, I want to make the change I really need, even if that means doing it alone.

    July 20, 2016 at 10:10 am #110138
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Laure:

    You wrote above: “If it weren’t for my parents, I would live in my car out there until I got my act together, but I won’t do that because I don’t need the criticism.”

    There is another way to avoid your parents’ criticism and that is to not be present for it, that is, to not be in contact with them. Unless they no longer criticize you.

    It seems to me that you think the only way for you to avoid your parents’ criticism is to do as they want you to do, to obey, to roll over and submit. There is another way.

    You wrote that you are “so tired of same thing”- there are parts of the “same thing” that you don’t see, I believe, and that is your interaction with your parents, and that needs to be changed.

    You wrote: “I want to make the change I really need, even if that means doing it alone.”

    I think “alone” is the way to go. What do you think?

    anita

    July 20, 2016 at 4:19 pm #110166
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi Laure,

    I think most of us have felt this way at some point in our lives. I know I have. The breakthrough for me was realizing friends or a lover is not going to make me happy. Both types of relationships can add a lot of drama and negativity to life. What will make me happy is doing more of the things that I love to do and less of the things I don’t like to do (such as being around negative people or people who just want to use me somehow).

    They say that peace is a requirement for a happy life. What brings you the most peace? What makes you feel best at the end of the day? Do more of this! Perhaps you will meet someone who also loves to do these activities, which will probably make you way more compatible than someone you met in, say, a bar.

    Speaking of meeting people, sites like meetup.com or okcupid.com could connect you with hundreds of people.

    One last piece of advice if you are seeking change is to make sure it is realistic and positive change. Create some goals that you want to work toward. Even as little as three weeks is enough time to make a serious transformation of your life. Imagine where you want to be in, say, a year. Choose the one goal you think is most important and ask yourself at the beginning of the day, “What is one small step I can take to get the ball rolling (or keep it moving) as I develop into the person I want to become?”

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