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Struggling to Not Worry and be Sad.

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  • June 13, 2015 at 10:06 am #78166
    Marcus S
    Participant

    Hi everyone,

    I’ve never done something like this so bear with me. I’m 22 and recently relocated cross country(the US) for a 6 month internship. I just graduated college and I think I’m blessed to have the opportunity I have. My issue is of course I’m missing my family a lot, they are my heart and I’m already finding everything wrong with being out here. I haven’t even started my internship. I should be happy and hopeful but just like when I started college 4 years ago I’m overcome with worry and probably homesickness again. I’m a personable person and interacted with people throughout my schooling at college, I had “friends” but I don’t have a group of people that I talk to everyday and we’re best friends. I never allowed myself to create that I guess. I’ll admit being by myself is easy of course but all i have is my family and love them but eventually I have to create my own. Speaking of procreating, I’ve never had a romantic relationship with a female at all, I’ve liked females, went on “maybe 2 dates” if lunches count. I’ve never kissed a girl at 22. I love my mother a lot and just want to treat a girl the same way I treat her but I don’t know how to go about that. I’m sitting here teary writing this and I should be exciting about this blessing but I wish I could just be 1800 miles away back home with my family. Shouldn’t I want to branch out and explore, I’m afraid I’m just going to go to work and come home and pray for November to get here as fast as it can so I can ideally get a job back home and be close to everybody. I shouldn’t have formed these thoughts already after 36 hours right? Any advice, help would be much appreciated. I just want to be happy, hell content with my current situation, have some possible changes on the romantic side of my life and make the most of my internship not hide behind the internship and come home sad everyday. Again, any advice, help would be much appreciated. Forgive me for being all over the place.

    Thank You

    June 13, 2015 at 11:20 am #78168
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear marcuss:
    This is my input after reading your post:
    First, the title: struggling to not… be sad. Do not struggle to not feel sad, or hurt, or any feeling- learn to accept your feelings, not to fight against them.

    Then, you mentioned you were homesick when you started college, and again, now before your internship. How did you deal with homesickness when you started college? Can you use some of the same ways you used then to apply to now?

    It is difficult for you to be away from home and adjust to a NEW situation in a new place. This is difficult, therefore it is also a challenge, an opportunity for personal growth. It is something not to turn away from with repulsion, perhaps, but turn toward with curiosity and courage? In just a small step today?

    When you do take your first steps dating a girl, do it cautiously if you can. Take care of yourself in that process when it starts. Take one small step at a time and evaluate. It is going to be different, I hope, than your relationship with your mother.

    The things you are afraid of, if you can in a small step at a time, in a small measure, develop an attitude of curiosity (‘I wonder how this is going to be like…) instead of fear and hiding- come out just a little at a time with a bit of an adventurist spirit…
    anita

    June 13, 2015 at 6:08 pm #78175
    Marcus S
    Participant

    Thanks so much Anita. Since I posted I texted with my aunt and briefly explained that I was worried about adjusting and of course she said it’s just like when you went away to college, I came to enjoy my time there and she said the same thing will happen with my new situation. I then talked to my mom and told her what my aunt said. I think I’m not giving myself time to adjust to something new I haven’t even been here long. I think I need to give myself time to adjust. I’m actually excited about my internship, the other things is what I was/am worried about as I said above. Furthermore, I actually somehow ended up talking with my roommate, who I officially met about 3 weeks ago and moved in Thursday as a room share( in her living room) I kind of went on about some of the things I was feeling and stuff and she listened and reassured me I’ll be fine, just need to adjust and that everything else(making friends, romantic stuff) will come. I also just Skyped my mom and that’s was great. I feel so much better than when I posted the message. A little leery of the “sadness and worry” feeling coming back. To answer your question dealing with homesickness, I kind of just got over it I feel like. But, I think God willing I will be ok. I’m fairly certain I’ll enjoy my internship and the other things will come. I also like how you said little by little I need to come out my comfort zone. My time where I’m at may be temporary and I’ll return home( at least to the area where my family lives) and I just need little growth in the temporary time I may have not huge leaps and bounds. Thanks again.

    Marcus

    June 14, 2015 at 10:10 am #78190
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Marcus:
    You are welcome. It is amazing, isn’t it, that when you reach out to people you trust to listen to you and comfort you- your aunt, your mother- how better you feel. You feel comforted, your worries (fears) relieved, your sadness uplifted. And then you reached out to a new person, and she also listened to you and comforted her. Keep reaching out to the individuals who have a good record in having listened to you and comforted you in the past, and the people who are building such a record. When you develop a romantic relationship in the future, I hope it will start with the same: she listening to you, really hearing you and comforting you in times of worries, as well as you doing the same. You already have experience in this, so a romantic relationship in its first steps of developing will not be something you are completely inexperienced with.I too like the small steps approach. When you feel worried and sad again- and you will- reach out and be comforted and again and again. Does anyone ever grow out of fear and the need to be comforted? I think not.
    anita

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