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struggling with a decision

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  • December 28, 2013 at 2:35 pm #47763
    reejay
    Participant

    Hi all, this might sound trivial but it’s really causing me stress and anxiety.

    I am involved in a volunteer group working against human trafficking. Each year we organise one or two fundraising events. a couple of weeks ago we agreed on a date for our next event, and just a few days ago I was invited by my new boyfriend on a trip to Berlin that I really want to go on which happens to be on the same weekend. I messaged the coordinator of the group and floated the possibility that I might not be there for the event but that I’d do as much as possible to help organise beforehand. she came back and said they really need me to be there. the Berlin trip cannot be moved as some of those going have already booked their tickets. I feel like this is an experience I really want to have and my gut is telling me I want to sack off the charity gig and just go. however I feel a horrible guilty, stressed out feeling as well at the prospect of telling her I can’t be there. I also don’t like the idea and/or meaning of a) me going back on my word and b) focusing on ‘selfish’ pleasures when I had committed to doing something for a really important cause.

    can anyone give me any advice?

    December 28, 2013 at 9:21 pm #47790
    Kinny
    Participant

    Look at it from a couple different perspectives.

    If you were at the end of your life and looked back at going to the fundraiser, would you be fond of that memory? If you were at the end of your life and looked back and didn’t go, would that be a big regret?

    Now look back and picture going to Berlin. Would you be fond of that memory? If you didn’t go, would that be a big regret?

    I can appreciate that you value keeping your word, but at the end of the day you are a volunteer. Volunteering at the expense of becoming resentful doesn’t seem like the right thing. Perhaps I’m not clear on what your commitment was or something else in the coordinator’s perspective, but from what you describe it sounds like you are feeling guilt tripped.

    In my experience, if I am too altruistic I become resentful and depleted; when I am too self-serving I get stagnant and lose perspective. Neither is inherently good or bad, but it is a matter of balance and motive which can determine if it is positive or not.

    Good luck on making a choice that sits well with you.

    December 29, 2013 at 2:11 pm #47823
    reejay
    Participant

    Thank you so much Kinny for taking the time to respond. I know in my heart the trip to Berlin is something I’ll remember for a lifetime. The people I’m going with know it really well so it won’t be touristy like it would be if I go another time. I don’t think I would guilt trip someone else or tell them they had to be there. But on the other hand it’s.great of her to be so passionate because it is a really important cause.

    I don’t think I’m burnt out by my altruistic deeds but I do agree that it should be done in a free spirit of giving, not grudgingly or under duress. I will make up in another area of my giving time.

    Thanks again, your reply made sense and took a load off my mind.

    December 29, 2013 at 8:35 pm #47866
    Kinny
    Participant

    You’re welcome. 🙂 I’m happy it resonated with you.

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