Hello Anita,

I have had low self esteem since I was a child. When I was in elementary school I didn’t really fit in with my classmates and I was teased. I have always had a good circle of friends though, so I can’t say that I was lonely. But when it came to extra curricular activities I didn’t participate. I was always shy around new people. I think my low self esteem has always held me back from doing a lot of things like learning how to drive or sew,…or anything really. I use to sing when I was little, all the time, I wanted to be a singer. I gave up on a lot of things in life that I have enjoyed. I didn’t think I was good enough and eventually just convinced myself I no longer care about things.

I think that my fear of failure and or embarrassing myself is preventing me from doing photography with models at this time. I know that some additional training would be beneficial. I would like to improve my lighting techniques and learn more in that area.

Im also getting married in a month and its been so exhausting and nerve wrecking. It’s a lot of things piling up on me at the moment. I had to put my photography on the back burner at least till after my wedding.

I never really considered the fact that I could be holding on to some pent up baggage from when I was in elementary school. The kids use to torment me. They called me ugly, fat, but which made me feel inadequate, like it would for most people.

Although as an adult I don’t pay a whole lot of attention to my appearance on a daily basis. I don’t really care how people look at my appearance anymore. I do care how people view me on an intellectual level. I want to be treated with respect. I want my thoughts and ideas to be accepted. I want to be accepted. I fear rejection, so I just cower away.

I have always compared myself to my peers, even now as an adult, I compare myself to friends, my co workers, strangers. It’s kind of maddening actually.