Stuck in a safe space

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    Hi, I’m new to this.

    I made huge changes in my life very suddenly a couple of years ago, and changed almost everything about my life. The following months were filled with extreme anxiety, obsession and anger towards a particular person. But I was also incredibly determined. I gained a new job that is a massive step up but is incredibly stressful.

    That period of time has left me with something. I’ve been moving at 100 miles an hour at work for a year and a half now. I work for a start-up charity so I have no choice in that. But what I went through emotionally took its toll on me, including on my health. And it’s left me jumpy and anxious.

    I have found a new home for myself, I have a room-mate again, for the first time since I was in my early 20s (12 years ago). After being in a long-term relationship where we constantly argued about domestic issues and I never felt at home this is a bliss and independence I have never had. Now that I’m in this safe space I don’t know what to do next. My ex, who I was still in contact with, has just given up on me and told me it’s over for good. I moved to a city far away, near my parents again for the first time since I was little because I couldn’t bare living 500 miles away from them any longer. I struggle so much to know where to move to because I need to be close to them. My ex and I argued constantly because we couldn’t decide how to move forward, as in how we could find a compromise on where/how to live together. I have my own place now and I don’t want to give it up. But I’m not sure I just want to give up on the relationship either.

    I know these are decisions I have to make myself, and I probably need counselling to overcome emotions from my past. I just feel a bit stuck and don’t know what to do to create some movement, and step forward without being afraid I will loose everything again.


    Dear Amy:

    If I understand correctly, your long term relationship ended, and you moved to be closer to your parents, now living with a roommate and very busy in a job that you like, even though it’s a very stressful job. When you wrote, “I know these are decisions I have to make myself”, you are referring to one decision: whether to resume that long term relationship (is there another decision that you are considering making?)

    You also wrote: “My ex.. has just given up on me and told me it’s over for good… I’m not sure I just want to give up  on the relationship”-

    – if he told you that “it’s over for good”, is it not over for good? If so, the decision was already made, hasn’t it?


    Angel K
    <span lang="en">you have to turn off the panic and give yourself time to decide what is right and what is not. </span>
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