Der bigglasses:

You wrote above that you never voiced that your husband is irresponsible towards his children, but in your original post you wrote: “my DH has not supported me, rather created massive obstacles for us that have stretched me to breaking point many times. I have had several breakdowns, but have never been able to get help” and you wrote that you moved 20 times or more since married, that he announced in the last move, or one of the latest that he will be moving with or without you and the children. You also wrote that he moved out of your bedroom but visits you for his “sexual fulfillment”. You expressed lack of money and that if you moved back to the UK you’d have to work full time to support your children. This means to me he is not financially responsible for them.

All this indicates to me that he is an irresponsible as a father, husband and person.

You wrote above that your family is against you divorcing him, saying he is nice and it is you who is making him behave that way, if by “family” you mean your parents, then it is very sad and explains to me why it is definitely not a good idea that you live with your parents. If it is your parents who say that to you, I wonder if this has been their message all along, when you were growing up, that anything and everything is … your fault?

Seems to me that separating from the husband and living away from him and away from your parents/ non supportive extended family is still a good idea.

I hope you reply to this post.

anita

Dear bigglasses:

The result of you being blamed repeatedly as a child, is that it did cloud your judgment, then and into adulthood. So when you are married to a man who is irresponsible, you tend to think that it is something wrong that you are doing, not him. That belief that it is always something wrong on your end, clouds your judgment so you choose the wrong man and stay with the wrong man, and then go back to the same, wrong man.

When your judgment is clouded- by you being mistreated as a child, being blamed for what was absolutely not your fault- then your ability to choose for your own benefit is impaired.

As you figure out what to do now, clear your judgment ability, re-judge. Choose now to remove from your life the wrong people and let the right people in. Your parents- they are the wrong people, they are the ones who impaired you. Your husband, well, like you wrote, he brought nothing but difficulty into your life. Enough of him, I’d say.

anita

hi all,

first of all, you sound a lot clearer to me than in your first post bigglasses! I do believe you when you say that something clicked 😉

anita, I really like the input you give, but sometimes I can’t find the colour in what you say.. meaning it’s leaning towards judgemental. even though it’s very clear you are writing with the intention of helping someone, I do think being as specific as to tell someone to be done with her husband, can’t be done. not because you are not allowed to have formed an opinion, but simply because that is something that the person needs to see for themselves. no one outside can rush their personal process. remember, yes people share a lot, but we never know the whole story..