Jasmine,

Thanks for the poke, received as intended and welcomed.

Sage,

I’m sorry for your suffering, dear friend, and understand how dark things can look when we feel broken-spirited. Don’t despair, there is always a path to joy. Consider that you failed. So what? You failed, you failed. It happens, to all of us. Its time to dust yourself off, stand up, and take a look around. Consider that in “your failure”, there is a ton of information about what you like and don’t like, which is where you’ll find out how to aim, onward. Letting go, getting up, trying again a little more skillfully, with better self knowing.

But before all that information becomes available, you have to grieve it, accept the past is gone and you made some miscalculations. We all chase after dreams that crumble, you’re not alone in that. But still, it was a lot of investment, and so the painful feelings are also normal, usual, and expected. Not “broken sage”, just “stressed sage”. If I could just hug the stress out of you, I would, but we all have to cry our own tears. A failed path hurts, but over time we let it go, heal, and thankfully, learn.

When we get fed up with the stress, that’s actually good. It means we’ll light a fire under our ass and get to work. “This sucks, so, ok, what do i do!” The funny thing is, the work we usually need desperately in these moments is nurturing. Our light has grown dim from our struggles, and things look dark, shadowy. The shadows even seem real, but they’re just shadows. Said differently, when we get over stressed, hope and warmth burn low. So busy trying to escape, find a path, climb a mountain… that we forget to breathe, come home, relax. We have to be kind and patient with ourselves. Let ourselves grow, open the space. Perhaps take more baths, or put some soft music on your headphones and lay back, breathe, let go. As we unwind from the stress, the light rekindles.

My favorite of these is metta meditation, and in your specific case, it might really help you rekindle that glow. Consider that it takes a special being to become a massage therapist. A dream of bringing comfort, helping unwind knots, being kind to others… in various shades. Perhaps over time that dream became lost by the circumstances, the “reason” you were doing what you were doing became lost. Said differently, you sound like you’re going through burnout. Like an engine with no fuel, a heart sputters and dims and the space around us collapses. Metta helps open that space back up. Its the energy of loving, kind friendship that glows in our chest area. When we spend time thinking happy thoughts, imagining loving feelings pouring out of our bodies, we become brighter, peaceful, smooth. From there, we can do breath meditation, to grow our roots, or sit with a puzzle, and see it from multiple sides.

For instance, we can pull apart your “failure” into its pieces, and learn a lot about Sage. What happened? What went wrong? What felt crushing to your spirit? What was bugging you about it? What did you like? What sparkled? What drew you to that in the first place? When did the playful kid’s backpack get too heavy?

As you can see those, accept those (and others like it… or whatever questions you have, if any of those miss), we find some stability and just sort of see the puzzle. OK. Hmmm. So what’s here?

Consider “Sharon Salzburg guided metta meditation” on YouTube, if interested. Its about 30 minutes, and once a day may provide a ton of relief. Rekindle that inner glow, and the rest becomes a lot simpler. The unknown met with heart instead of fear.

Namaste, sage Sage, may your path blossom with light.

With warmth,
Matt

Jasmine,

You humble me. I will do my best.

Sage,

Your feelings of fear and loss aren’t unwarranted. It is entirely comprehensible considering the wrong and unhealthy notions we are continuously fed with by our worldly society. So please, do yourself a favor and remove those thoughts from your mind. All they do is instill further chaos upon your heart.

Also, please understand that there is no ‘wrong’ choice. Every choice we make, whether right or wrong, offers a lesson. For example, similarly to when your developed your taste for certain foods, did you not first to try many a variety before settling on certain ones? Were there some you were fearful to try? Also, are you not still continuing to explore your taste buds as you grow? And, are there not any foods you did not like as a child that you now enjoy as an adult and vice versa? *Wink*

Hence, it’s possible that what you believe was the correct choice once is a wrong choice now and what was once a wrong choice once is a correct choice now. This proves that no choice is ever right or wrong; that they simply are. In any case, you must do the same with your life. You must continue to explore, experience, experiment and discover. And, if you retain the food analogy I gave you, you will find that life is quite entertaining to live despite the mistakes that we make and perhaps even possibly more so when we do.

I hope this will help and I hope this did not disappoint you Jasmine.

Wishing You All The Best,

Al