March 26, 2017 at 3:25 pm #142225ElisabethParticipant
I have posted a couple times over the past month about a couple topics. First of all, I want to say thanks to those who have responded to me. Your perspectives have been greatly received and appreciated. I’ve been reflecting a lot about my interactions with my dad and how those interactions have influenced my personality and role in relationships with various people. I realized that I do not care what others think when it comes to strangers, but that I strive for attention when it comes to close friendships and romantic interests. I’m in the midst of rewiring my mind to have firmer boundaries and to spend more time with those who value me as a person.
Regarding my dad, it has been over six months since I have contacted him and don’t have plans to do so in the forseeable future. I’m learning now that it is OK for me to have moments of anger. Regarding a love interest with a close friend, I have since realized that this person is truly not interested (for a variety of reasons independent of me). Instead of taking it person or trying to vie more for his attention, I’m opting to move on. I have a good friend who is getting married in Germany this summer and I decided that I am not going to go to the wedding, but will spend time with him and his wife on a different weekend. Flights for me to go later in the month are significantly cheaper and I feel that while he values me as a friend, I’ve definitely put more into the friendship than he has. I’m not trying to make this a ‘tit for tat’ situation, but at the same time, am learning to value myself more by not putting myself in situations where I am spending huge amounts of money to attend an event. I sent a message and he said that he would love for me to attend as it would be a big party, but would totally understand if I couldn’t make it and provided dates that would work for him and his wife to meet up.
As for my friend who states she is in dire need and needs a loan, I have decided to give her a Visa gift card for $200. I offered to pay for various expenses and that request was denied. This past week, she has called almost daily and sent me a request on Venmo for $2000 (which I ignored). I have reflected back on this friendship and I realize that she has blurred the lines. I own part of this as I never spoke up. For several years, we did not live in the same city and I barely spoke to her, so I never noticed the dynamics. Now that I do, I do not want to be an enabler. At the end of the day, her problems are not mine and she could do a lot more to help herself. I plan to put a lot of distance in this relationship as it is not healthy for me right now (I do want to keep the friendship).
I’ve been journaling and reading a lot more. I’m truly in a good place and am looking forward to having more growth.March 26, 2017 at 7:07 pm #142249Pegasus63Participant
I don’t visit here very frequently so I have not seen the predecessor topics. But I see what you have done here and I think it’s pretty amazing, and inspirational. That is a lot of important decision making in a very short time! Thank you for sharing.March 26, 2017 at 8:06 pm #142253anitaParticipant
You are welcome and thank you for your threads and posts. It is a delight to be updated on this thread on topics of previous threads as well as read about your boundary setting with the friends in Germany. Keep your flashes of insight going and please do continue to share your growth here.
anitaMarch 26, 2017 at 9:15 pm #142271ElisabethParticipant
Thank you both 🙂 I will update on occasion.March 27, 2017 at 7:47 am #142329anitaParticipant
You are welcome, Elisabeth. Looking forward to your next update!