Thanks Anita, your questions make me feel like you really want to understand.

To answer your questions:

– yes, he broke-up with me. His family problems from what I recall was that his older sister wasn’t married and his parents were worried and there were fights in the house. I also remember they were pressuring him to think about marriage too and he says he wasn’t ready. I think he was getting too frazzled and overwhelmed. He wasn’t even happy at his job. was 29 then and he was 28.

– we started texting again after about 2-3 months of breaking up. I was in city B and missing him so messaged him first and it started again.

– you should know he was always sceptical about being in a relationship. I mean we both cried when we broke up but so I know it was emotional for him. But the second time when he started dating, he was keeping too much distance. We would text more and not talk on the phone as it was too personal and emotional. We started sort-of seeing each other again for s month and slowly I could feel he was getting normal or relaxed again. But randomly he started disappearing and I would call but he wouldn’t answer but respond with a text. I think about a few weeks of this one weekend he went away with his friends and I kept texting him to which he dint respond…no one goes for a weekend trip without their phones! I thought this waiting for him to respond and me checkibg in was driving me crazy so I told him I can’t do this any more. But I have to mention (not very proud about this) but I’m a very impatient person and so could be I reacted too strongly…I don’t know.

– about his past relationship, I recall he mentioned he dated someone for a year in college. I don’t think I asked more about that.

– why was this relationship different? Because he was in so many ways exactly who I thought I was looking for… we had great conversations…like he would say the right things…he is intelligent, loved to read…tall and slightly goofy-looking.

– my previous relationship before this was for about 3 yrs in my 5yr college. It ended mutually as were moving to different cities. But in so many ways, this guy is like my first ex.

Probably you will say we broke up because of a reason or maybe I miss him because he unfortunately was what I pretty much wanted. But I don’t think it’s normal to miss someone after so many years when we barely dated.

I guess I sound  deluded and dreamy…

thanks again for listening.

Ida

Thanks Anita. That could be true…he was very straight forward about his feelings which was a pleasant change. He wouldn’t shy away from holding my hand in public or pulling me close to him, all which I think are rare now.

And after years of analysis (and over-thinking) I also realise I am annoyed with him for breaking up so out of the blue. I wasn’t expecting it at all.

But the question remains, do I reach out to him? What if now is a better timing for us? But what if he doesn’t respond right. I feel like if I give it a shot I might be at peace but I also fear that I might give it a shot and still not be able to get out of this loop (i.e. in case he doesn’t respond positively).

As a a side note- I did message him once about 6months back as I accidentally saw him on Instagram (he and my cousin have similar names) and I always thought he isn’t much of a social media person. We had a decent chat and no one pursued it further. And I feel that if I message him again I will come across as a needy clingy girl who refuses to get over him!

Thanks so much, Anita. I appreciate you taking the time.

Ida