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Taking a step back in a relationship.

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Viewing 14 posts - 1 through 14 (of 14 total)
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  • January 4, 2019 at 8:02 am #272235
    Mayra
    Participant

    Im not sure if I did the right thing.  I kinda moved in with my boyfriend just to try it out it’s been a month and I’ve been having a lot of trust issues.  He dosent give me any reason to not trust he him.  He’s  the best guy I’ve ever been with.  We decided that it was best if I moved my things out to try and get back to where we once were.  He tells me he just wants me to be happy and wants to have fun again in our relationship .  I’ll be seeing a therapist today to talk about what’s been bothering me. I’ve been feeling like this relationship is to good to be true and have been thinking about the worst things that could happen I can’t let go and enjoy what I have because I feel like it’s just going to end.  I feel that moving my things out was the end and feel very unwanted.

    January 4, 2019 at 8:51 am #272239
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mayra:

    I would like to understand better, therefore I ask: what were your trust issues with him, specifically, for example?

    anita

    January 4, 2019 at 9:07 am #272245
    Mayra
    Participant

    He’s always on his phone, I feel like he was hiding something from me.  I asked him and said I shouldn’t worry about it he even said I could look throu it.  I’ve been cheated on before especially throu social media and phone related, I haven’t been able to get over that phobia.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Mayra.
    January 4, 2019 at 9:23 am #272253
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear  Mayra:

    Everywhere I go, people are  on their phones, it is so very common. It really  is not an indication,  in this day and age, of anything  other than almost-everyone’s pre-occupation with social media using phones.

    Anything else that caused you to  distrust him.. and how long have you known him? Tell me  more about the relationship  if you want.

    anita

    January 4, 2019 at 9:38 am #272255
    Mayra
    Participant

    I’ve known him for almost a year, our relationship is great.   He hasn’t done anything for me to not trust him. I’m starting to think it’s me who I don’t trust, like maybe I’m not enough or I’m to much to handle and he’s looking for someone else or tralking to someone else.

    January 4, 2019 at 9:48 am #272257
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mayra:

    These trust issues- did they exist before you moved in with him and got worse once you lived with him, or did they begin once you moved in?

    anita

    January 4, 2019 at 10:18 am #272259
    Mayra
    Participant

    I’ve always had trust issues due to past relationships but they got worse once I started living with him.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Mayra.
    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Mayra.
    January 4, 2019 at 10:30 am #272269
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mayra:

    Something about living with him scared you. When you were a child and you lived with your parent or parents, did you feel unwanted, or otherwise uncomfortable, wanting to get  away, to not live there anymore?

    anita

    January 4, 2019 at 10:38 am #272271
    Mayra
    Participant

    My dad made me feel very unwanted.  He was a cheater and eventually left my mom for a lady that befriended us. My step dad as well we got in an argument and told me I wasent his daughter and lived with years not wanting to be there and uncomfortable.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Mayra.
    January 4, 2019 at 11:04 am #272277
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mayra:

    Feeling unwanted makes you want  to leave before you are told to leave, doesn’t  it?

    When you moved in with your boyfriend, the same feelings you had as a child were activated. You became anxious, distressed. It is understandable.

    You wrote that you will be having therapy, if the therapist is capable, it will  be an excellent opportunity for you to process those feelings, so that they lose their intensity and when activated again,  in the context of living together with your boyfriend again, you will not be overwhelmed by those feelings.

    If you and your boyfriend understand the origin and nature of your distress, that will help a lot, while living together.

    Did you attend therapy before, or will this be your first therapy?

    anita

    January 4, 2019 at 11:18 am #272285
    Mayra
    Participant

    I had therapy when I was young but I don’t remember much.  Now I’m older and know that this is affecting my life.  I love my boyfriend and don’t want to lose him over how paranoid I can get, i hope taking break and having some time for ourselves dosent end the relationship.

    • This reply was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Mayra.
    January 4, 2019 at 11:50 am #272295
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Mayra:

    Taking a break is a better choice than remaining in the relationship and distress escalating. Therapy for you is also  an excellent  idea. In therapy let the therapist know your priority first thing, to save and resurrect this relationship. I hope your boyfriend is patient and understanding.

    A short term couple therapy may be a good idea as well, even if the issue is yours, good couple therapy can help him understand and help the two of you communicate better, and help each other.

    I will be back to the computer in about sixteen hours. Take good care  of yourself and I hope your relationship endures this current difficulty. Post again anytime.

    anita

    January 4, 2019 at 11:56 am #272297
    Mayra
    Participant

    Thanks for the replies defenitly makes me feel better about my choice.

    January 4, 2019 at 12:01 pm #272299
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Mayra. I am glad you are feeling better about your choice. I hope to read from you again and will be glad to reply if and  when you do post more.

    anita

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