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Tell someone her boyfriend cheated?

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  • July 6, 2016 at 6:41 pm #109013
    HealingWords
    Participant

    While I was at a month long program, a guy also in the program started flirting a bit with a girl. This made everyone uncomfortable since the guy had a girlfriend. One night both of them got drunk, and the next day it was over heard that they did it. I wish this was one of those mistakes and that they felt bad about what they did, but the girl thinks cheating is okay and the guy is a huge jerk and never regrets his actions.
    I do not know the guy’s girlfriend, but I see her posts on his FB page and it just makes me ill to see that this girl has no idea and I do not think he should get away with it. I have been considering telling the girl anonymously online that her boyfriend cheated.
    However, I don’t know if it is in my place to tell her, and I also do not know what kind of backlash will come from it. I don’t want this jerk harassing anyone from my program online to figure out who snitched. I don’t know if it is best for this girl not to know, if she is better oblivious.

    Any advice? Does this girl deserve to know? Is it in my place to tell her? Would you want to know?

    July 6, 2016 at 9:00 pm #109021
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Laure:

    Probably not a good idea to tell her. If you care about her, get to know her. If you do get to know her you may find out she already knows and endures him cheating on her. Or you may find out that someone else told her that her boyfriend cheated on her and she doesn’t believe it. You may find out she sees only what she wants to see, as most people do.

    Or you may find out she cheats on him too.

    So get to know her before you tell her. If you don’t intend to get to know her first, don’t tell her.

    anita

    July 7, 2016 at 5:23 am #109061
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Laure,

    I would confront the guy.

    Say, “Listen, it’s technically none of my business, but a dozen people obviously know what you’ve done. It’s a small world and life is long. Your girlfriend is bound to find out you’re a cheat one day if you keep this up. What’s the deal, buddy?”

    If he replies that you’re right, it IS none of your business, say, “Well that’s the thing. It’s so blatant that it’s affected everyone’s reality. Like pollution. Buddy, it’s unlikely we will run into each other again, buy if I catch wind that you pulled a stunt like this again, I WILL tell your girlfriend and get this over with. You’ve been warned.”

    Maybe that’s the kick in the pants he needs to behave or be discreet.

    Best,

    Inky

    July 7, 2016 at 3:38 pm #109101
    HealingWords
    Participant

    Anita,

    I think you are right, that unless I decide to actually get to know her, I really shouldn’t get involved. I really am not in a position to get to know her, and if I tell her the truth there really isn’t any foundation for her to believe me.

    Inky,

    Naw, will not and cannot confront the guy. I am terrified of him and don’t want to interact with him directly in anyway. Even though we are now in separate states, he would be the type to harass me online. I really hope he gets some sense knocked into him, but I am not likely the one to knock it into him.

    Thanks All!
    Laure

    July 7, 2016 at 7:55 pm #109106
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Laure.
    anita

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