That "Where We Stand" Talk

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This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 10 months, 2 weeks ago.

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    Hi All,


    I’m a new member here and want to hear some advises.


    I have been seeing this guy for 2 months now, we met through online app. Things progress so fast, we texted, called, dated and slept over. Until one day I felt uneasy, so I talk about it to him and he felt rejected. Up to that point, our daily texting becomes a couple times in a week. When I asked him about this, he said he’s not the type who texts a lot. But what’s bugging my mind is why he can do it at first but now he can’t?

    When we’re together, the chemistry is great. He always stated that he likes me and miss me, he always try to make me laugh. But, I know he’s still active on that dating app. Is it okay for me to bring up the conversation now for we only dated for 2 months? I don’t know during that time whether he has slept or dated other girls.

    Part of me want to know because when I’m in a intimate stats with someone, I get involved emotionally. If one day he choose to be with the other girl, it will hurt a lot.

    Thank you for reading. 🙂

    Have a day!




    Hi Shanty,
    I hate to say this, but I’m sure he is 100% committed to you. He text you a lot in the beginning so yes he is a texting person, when he is committed to someone – being a texting person doesn’t change. & he is still active on the dating app.
    I feel that you also shouldn’t need to question or ask someone where you stand, they should quite clearly give you the right signals. I feel like he is giving you the wrong signals for you to be questioning these things.

    When I started dating my now boyfriend, we were talking for around 4 months before becoming official, he would text me everyday, call me everyday, send me flowers occasionally & always want to meet up with me. I have been with him for nearly a year now & his consistency is still the same if not better than when we first met. This is the type of man you should be looking for, not one you have to question.

    What do you think?



    Dear shanty:

    I think that it is a very good idea for you to ask a guy you are dating if he  is also dating others, absolutely. Better ask before you date a guy if he is interested in a monogamous relationship. If he is, and you are, then date without sex until a point when the two of you are ready for the monogamous, committed relationship you decided on in early conversations.

    Now that you have already been sexual, better make this conversation happens very, very soon. Better live an intentional life where you express your intentions and wants  clearly, ask questions and expect clear answers.


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