Upset and depressed as usual. It saddens me how my fm family treats her a lot… They’ve been promising to finish reframing her windows since June. . The frame was rotting away due to water damage.. in June they came and started but found out they couldn’t reuse her already placed old windows and have to get new ones. They stuck back the windows and sloppy boarded the sides..left, and been promising ever since June to fix everything.There are soo many gaps around the side that allow bugs, rain, etc …to enter her house. I had to rip up some garbage bags and tried to close off some holes ..I didn’t get all of them, and rainwater comes in..and has formed black mold underneath it.

They’ve had the new windows in one of their homes since June.. they keep promising to come but never do.

I understand they’re busy, but people make time out for what they truly want to do …they certainly take the time out to go on trips, visit friends and family, go to sporting events, etc…

Instead of pestering fm and visiting her everyday from beginning to end while she was in the hospital…one of those days should have been spent fixing everything for her. It would only take a few hours or less. She should have come home to a nice clean home with the windows already fixed.

The first thing she asked me when she stepped in the house after being discharged from the 2 week hospital stay, was when they were fixing the windows. As soon as she walked in the door she asked. I felt badly for her. Plus the house has been a mess since June. I had to cover the furniture, and remove some pieces out of the room they were working in.

It’s bad enough that since May fm had black mold in the bathroom ceiling and spreading since then…that I brought to their attention then..they have all seen it multiple times, though they act like they don’t know what im talking about…also.since they think I’m intellectually “challenged” (found out they felt this way from a group chat thread about fm health they had forgotten I had been included on. They called me slow, weird and socially challenged) and not on the level they feel that they are on themselves so they all devalue and discredit anything I have to say, even if I have the evidence to backup my claims. It’s always checking and making sure what I say is true by making phone calls and talking amongst themselves…even my fm does this..

It was a lot of how do you know it’s mold

So finally while fm was hospitalized they came out to look at the bathroom, they claimed it wasn’t as bad as it was, just sprayed mold killer and put compound over it. That’s it. I know that they needed to tear out parts of the ceiling, clean it out, let an exhaust and/or dehumidifier run for a few daysrebuilt it, put anti fungal primer or compound, perhaps run the machines again. I told them it definitely had spreaded beneath and beyond the bathroom..but they never listen.

Fm always takes up for them. It’s always that they’re too busy, that I don’t know what I’m talking about, that I’m lying on them(she said this a few times after I had separated things to keep and toss in the basement, I spent 2 days doing so, and they just came over and just tossed everything including the furniture.. swore they would replace it, never did. Had a very bad panic and anxiety attack then and they laughed at me. They threw away things I’ll never get back. Sentimental things. Letters and picture of my deceased bio mom, etc …)..

I’ve noticed that all 4 of her sons… they have problems taking advice, following, and relinquishing some control to women..They also have issues taking personal accountability and responsibility, and recognizing the impact they have, and the role they play in things. They want to be right about everything, Everyone have these “problems” to various degrees though..I think it’s just embedded, and instinctual survival mechanisms in each of us.

So fm is stuck with the bathroom (well her whole house) being incomplete and unfinished. Things they’ve been promising to repair for years.

I wish they would have repaired as much as possible in the two weeks she was hospitalized. She isn’t doing too well and rapidly declining. It would have been nice for her to enjoy possibly her last days in her house being to her liking.

Her son made an insensitive remark about the house being unclean and that fm never kept it looking as such…blameless and faultless he likes to remain…if they would finally fix the window, everything would go back in place and it would be cleaner.. if they don’t want to do it, they should pool together and hire someone. Colder weather is approaching, mold is spreading and forming in different places…I don’t want my fm getting sickly.

His remarks yesterday made me sad and really hurt my feelings.it was on my mind when I first woke up today.

Yesterday fm sons forgot to take her to get her blood work labs done after doctors appointment, so she had to go today.. also
Fm hasn’t been properly voiding and has been running to the bathroom every 2 to 5 minutes..the longest wait being a half an hour…only to not be able to relieve herself at all.. according to her it’s been happening ever since she was in the hospital…and a nurse told her that this was fine and told her its because of new medicine. I had trouble convincing fm that this isn’t okay. That waste needs to come out of our bodies daily. That it’s serious she isn’t able to empty herself properly.

I brought it to nurses attention yesterday and she said fm should be seen ASAP and to take her to urgent care. I asked her to contact her son that she was already out with during her appointment. They told him the same but he told them it would be too much for her to handle, that he’d take her in the morning. Fm said she’d rather go to the emergency room at her hospital because of familiarity and because urgent care centers are very limited and don’t have the means to do thorough testing. . I told them that, and fm sons ignored me and her wishes and was calling around to Urgent care centers this morning trying to get both blood work and testing done. Nurse told them yesterday that she should be tested for a UTI and that’s what they have stuck in their heads.

I told them it would be better to take her to the emergency room, there she could have both taken care of. I also told them she may need further thorough testing done, than only one UTI test. That it may not even be a UTI, something serious…they ignored me and continue to call urgent care centers ..
They had it stuck in their heads that they must take her to an Urgent care center. That it’s the only way. They also had it in their minds they could go to the urgent care center and there wouldn’t be a long wait….

For them to be so self assured, very, stubborn, and unwilling to take direction,they don’t seem to logical
and practical thinkers…but maybe they are and just are having difficulties in their rationale and managing their thoughts because of their other responsibilities, obligations, and perhaps because of age. The decline in rationale, memory, and congnitive abilities decline more with age..to various degrees depending on the individual… I know that I’ve been on the decline and have more brain fog than ever since being in my 40s.

When I first came to live here they were all in their late 30s-early 40s…..Now they’re all in their 60s.
Tbh the decline, stress, health, zest for life, and lack of optimism that I’ve seen in them, is saddening and disheartening..

..and so is life

They didn’t use to treat fm like this. They use to finish jobs in a prompt manner, use to visit her a lot, use to call, etc…Ever since she stopped hosting family dinners and get togethers years ago….they changed.

If I were different..and had been different..and had been capable of leaving..I would have done so many years ago …

I wouldn’t dare leave her now.
I know that if she passes before me, they’ll probably kick me out. They would have no further use for me.

Her sons were making her angry and frustrated today with their constant questions, and them not allowing me to answer for her. They know that she has problems and her cognitive abilities are declining…but they still were badgering her with questions. When she kept saying that she didn’t know ..they allowed me to answer.

I understand that in hopes of strengthening her brain and abilities, she should be allowed to see if she can perform tasks, and answer firstly…but their way isn’t the approach to go.

I usually ask her once or twice about things and give her time to respond. If she displays difficulties during the first time, I always tell her that it’s okay and maybe after a rest we can try again. I tell her that it’s because she needs rest, or she needs a meal, etc…anything but letting her know things aren’t working as they once were . She already is aware of the decline..no reason to harp on it or reiterate the fact. She’s depressed, exhausted,and defeated enough already.

Tbh I feel she doesn’t have long for this world. I’ve been smelling the distinct odor of death and decay emitting from her body for awhile now….

Also, today is the first time I’ve ever seen her look as defeated, and exhausted as she does now.

I hope there may be a peaceful, painless transition for her.

They only took her to the ER when they found out that local urgent care centers don’t do blood tests. Frustrated because they wasted valuable time being uncompromising and uncooperative.