Cheyenne~
I totally feel for you as I too am feeling very much the same but for different reasons. At the end of January this year, I went out to our shop simply to get a gatorade, that is it. After getting the gatorade, I immediately noticed that (my husband of 23 years) his work bench and garage looked odd. I had been up since 3 that morning and it was almost 6, so I was pretty tired, but it didn’t dawn on me until I saw a large pile of stuff packed and ready to move that my husbands garage was very sparse. I stood there baffled, in awe, dumb founded as I had no idea he was unhappy let alone being so unhappy he would be moving out all of the belongings he wanted and desired while I was at work. My husband has Multiple Sclerosis but physically doesn’t have any obvious disabilities. Mostly his issues are cognitive. At any rate, he wasn’t home at the time, he was at his parents home, canning salmon. So I text him, asking him if there is something he has been wanting to share with me or talk to me about and he replied “no”. I then went on in my reply text to describe what I had discovered in the garage, to which he replies “what is there to talk about?” As I’m looking at my phone and reading his reply over and over, I am in shock. I was sitting on our couch and felt as if I couldn’t breath. I finally reply to his text saying something to the effect of “what the heck do you think?” And, “are you serious?” Shortly after that he texted saying he was going to finish up what he was doing and “come home so we could talk”. Little did I know that his coming home to talk was going to consist of him coming home (with his MOTHER, just to make sure things didn’t get out of hand)to sit down our two youngest children 16 & 18 and myself to tell all of us at the same time that he was tired of the bickering and ups and downs in our marriage and had decided that he no longer desired to be married and was going to move in with his parents while filing for divorce….that the kids were welcome to there house anytime etc. etc. all 3 of us were just stunned, I felt side swiped. I don’t believe in divorce and never have. I have never ever lived on my own, had my own car, paid my own bills or even had to do general maintenance on an apartment or vehicle etc. on top off that, in March my body began going in and out of states of fight or flight which has since given me extremely high blood pressure and pulse rate with severe migraines, so now Im unable to work. I have so many people saying you should do this or that, for almost every decision in my life and I have no idea what I want. Even when it comes down to home decor, I simply have no idea what I really like vs what my husband and I have liked since we got married and moved in together. We’ve been together since I was 16 and he was 17. I think I want to go back to school but have so many ideas and yet have no idea what I would like long term. And as Im sure you do, I get asked all the time “how are you doing?” Which in my case literally depends on the day, the sun, the moon etc. i haven’t even told my family that my husband left me as all of them live 2 states away which is good on one hand but on the other it means I have no family support at all, and it sucks. plus, when my husband left, I basically lost his family that I have loved and developed relationships with over the last 23 years which hurts really bad. All of this makes me not want to go out, not want to see and of the few friends I do have because I get anxious just thinking of their questions, then their advice which they think is super helpful.

Cheyenne….I am older obviously. But I can tell you what I have told my oldest daughter who is almost 23 and also my other 2 children. I don’t want to sound cliche’ either. Regardless of what your friends and family think, you are the only one that lives your life(I have to remind myself of this every day). You need to make progress for YOU! Whatever it is that makes your heart and mind happy is all that truly matters! Not the money in your bank account, the car you drive, the home you live in, the furniture that fills it, the clothes on your back, the degree you may have at one time wanted and earned but no longer makes you happy or the job you drive to every day that makes you miserable beyond belief. Right now, from what I read in your post, it sounds as if you don’t have any children. Which is a great thing and enables you so many more options and freedoms. I would like to ask a question. Did the gradual down hill progression to where you are currently at emotionally and physically begin after you and your once best friend made the change from best friends to lovers? If so, is it possible that you haven’t severed the ties completely because you don’t want to hurt him and chance losing his friendship? If so, this is understandable, but it’s hurting both of you in the end. Your friendship may not remain in tact initially however if its as strong as it once was was,and if it’s something you both desire, your friendship will find its way back.
Back to what I try to remind my kids.I have 2 in college now and that is a huge obligation aside from the commitment of trying to decide on a lifetime career. I have told them, whatever job or trade you choose, choose something that makes you HAPPY! Because there is nothing worse than working a job for 30 years that you hate! Because that daily drive into work will be the worst commute and time of your every day life.
Before you settle down and get MARRIED and have CHILDREN, go WHERE YOU WANNA GO IN THE WORLD, SEE WHAT YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD AND BE WHO YOU WANT TO BE IN THIS WORLD!!!!! Because once you settle down and get MARRIED & HAVE CHILDREN its no longer ME IN THIS WORLD, IT’S “WE!” And regardless of what you say as far as going somewhere or doing something when the kids get older etc etc, you will never do it! There will always be something else way more important, like buying a home, daycare, saving for college FOR THE KIDS, LOL!
My best guess as to what is causing you the most stress and issues is trying to PLEASE EVERYONE ELSE, when YOU should be at the top of YOUR list! If your friends and family love you, they will be right there to support you while you work towards your hearts dreams and desires. There is no better time to start than today!
I hope this helped instead of making things worse. It has helped me just by writing all of this out!

I wish you the very, very best!

~Christina

:> you’re not alone my friend. I’m going through the exact same thing. One thing i’m having trouble with is the last transition I went trough, I found my confidence but with this one I must carry through with confidence. This time I’ve realized I’m finding my courage and independence. Maybe not for you, but when you’re around your friends, do you still fit in with them? I don’t fit in with hardly anyone and I used to be torn apart and not all there because I didn’t feel good enough. I thought something was wrong with me, but in reality I just formed new perspectives and perceptions of the world than them. Now, I acknowledge that I don’t fit in but it doesn’t stop me from hanging out with old friends or newer friends, I just learned to not let in effect me. Seems like right now all you need to do is simply withdraw from society and figure out what you like, maybe try a new genera of music, new taste in magizines and movies, maybe even a new hobbie. You’re changing causing you to be lost in the RIGHT direction, it’s your job to find you’re new place ( even if its not were your comfortable yet). As a fortune cookie told me a couple nights ago, ” accept the changes coming into your life.”

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by Bryttany.

Cheyenne,

I can relate to you on many levels. I am almost 25, and I have been through what you are going through now. First and foremost, I would highly recommend that you engage in self care. I cannot emphasize how important this is. I recently came out of a devastating 3 year long relationship, with a lot of self doubts. To top things off, going to graduate school and doubting my own competence and intelligence. So I know how you must be feeling. Things get pretty messy. All I will say is engage in self care and make it your priority. Seek the help you need, for me it was therapy. Sometimes we feel so stuck in our circumstances that we see no progressive outlet and that is a trap. Make yourself your first priority and once you are healthy and back on your feet, you will attract similar loving and healthy relationships in your life. I used to be a person who was always a listener and never a speaker, especially about my preferences in things. I would always listen to people share their thoughts and emotions but when I needed them to be there in my time of suffering, they mostly bailed out. Nevertheless, this was a good lesson, I can now make better choices by choosing the group of friends that reciprocate in a similar fashion. I no longer hold the desire to hang on to my older friendships, because I clearly see how unhealthy it was for me to stick around. Give yourself time and focus, and accept yourself without any judgement in this period of transition. It is natural, we all feel overwhelmed by transitional changes. It is a part of being human. Be there for yourself first, and reach out in any way you can to get what you need to be healthy. Your well being should be your primary concern. Everything else will fall into place on its own in due time.
Good Luck 🙂