April 12, 2013 at 3:28 am #33756Rajiv SahayParticipant
“When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside cannot hurt you.”
The enemy within you is more dangerous than any other enemy you will ever come across. It is an enemy that works in secret and wields immense power. It is an enemy that will use any means available to sabotage your happiness and frustrate your life. You need to be aware of this enemy. You must understand it and you must know how to deal with it.
It is your inner critic that keeps telling you lies. Lies such as “you will never amount to anything; you can’t be wealthy; you are not capable of running your own family; you’re not good enough or intelligent ; you’re not pretty enough; you’re a bad parent; you cannot quit smoking; you can’t lose all that weight.” The list is endless.
You will find it far easier to dismiss other people’s negativity towards you, but find it much harder to deal with your own negative thoughts, emotions and judgement about yourself. The reason is that we are able to recognise easily when other people are criticising us and judging us. We may not know exactly how do deal with it, but we are aware of it.
When the criticism is from yourself, however, it is much harder to recognise it. You might just feel low, unhappy, lacking in energy, lacking drive or just plain unenthusiastic about your life or whatever venture you are involved in at the time.
The first step to fighting the enemy within is to be aware that there is an enemy and that he is not looking out for your best interests.
A good way to deal with this self criticism is to give yourself the support you deserve. When you do something well it is important to reward yourself and build up on that success. Over time this will push out the self critical scripting in your mind and make you more positive in your outlook.
Do not seek to shut off your inner critic completely. It does serve an important purpose if kept in check. Self criticism is essential to your personal growth and development. Without a good understanding of your weaknesses you will go around thinking that you are perfect and not in need of any change. This extreme can also be self defeating.
The important thing is to realize that the critic is there and that what that critic says does not have to be your reality.April 13, 2013 at 5:09 pm #33792Alexander KazooParticipant
I always have this trouble…
I have 20 years old and right now i’m in the third year of college. Until this moment, I thought that I was doing well in my life. Always having really good grades, a group of friends, a family that always supported me, no economic or health problems…Hell, even a lot of people think I’m a cool and handsome guy.
As today, nothing of that has changed. Only me. I have become more anxious and I’m always at the verge of tears. I cry for no reason at all. My head is always so full of thoughts that I cant enjoy the present moment without having those little annoying conversations in my head. Always telling me the worst, always speaking shit about me, always fearing. I have even become fearful of my friends. Friends that always loved me back and have never ever betrayed me. I dont understand what is happening to me…
I would love to see myself in the mirror and smiling once again. But I can’t. It doesnt matter how many people have tried to tell me that everything is fine, that I’m not a bad person, etc.
My life is perfect.But I cant enjoy it anymore. I don’t even like myself. But people love me anyway. I dont get it.
I am my worst enemy. Always throwing junk at myself and robbing the joy and laughter from life.
April 18, 2013 at 6:40 am #33987AiyappaParticipant
- This reply was modified 10 years, 8 months ago by Alexander Kazoo.
Alexander, what has changed? Do you have a lot of free time to think than you had before? Or anything changed that makes you believe so?
What I do when I have such feelings is write down each fear and each thought. One by one. And then put a “Who”, “What” and “Is it real” to each of those.
1. Who can help
2. What will ensure that fear or thought is addressed
3. Is it real or a perceived fear or thought?
Far more often than not, I have figured out my fears were just exaggerated “Ifs” and “What ifs”. If its real, I’d seek help from whoever can. A friend, a colleague, relative or a counselor.
Are you occupied with some good reading, sports and out door activities? Trekking and hiking gave me a great relief. So did positive and motivational speeches by certain inspiring leaders in college, office and outside. Cycling and bike rides early mornings calmed me down and made me look ahead too.
More than anything else, also write down your purpose. what do you want to do? who do you want to become? And planning for that is far more simpler than you’d think