The love thats been killing me

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    I met a guy on august 2017, it was great, we had the same taste in music, food, tea, almost everything yet we still had our differences, i was so happy to meet such person. We talked alot about our interests but he also talked alot about his ex, given that they just got out of a 4 year relationship and although he says she was very roxic he still was upset, she was his first in everything and they couldn’t give up on each other easy, he kept telling me everything and how they met up a few times recently to try and fix things, he’d always update me, we were friends and i always gave him advice but he was just over her given that she cheated on him with his cousin. This was all in a month, September he just ghosted, no texts and he never replies to me. October his ex texts me “stay the fuck away from him” and i text him telling him that i want nothing to do with this drama, keep me out of it and never text me again. And i just completely moved on with my life like id never met him. December he comes back, i was surprised to hear from him, and i wasnt happy about it i didnt care, i kept asking what he wanted from me and why hes back he said “ive always liked you, i know you think that im talking to you to get over her but I could’ve talked to any girl if that was the case” i didnt buy it but i went with it, he kept texting me everyday non stop, then he decided to change his number just so his ex wont reach him, he gave it to me but i never saved it or contacted him, i just didnt care. He waited on me. 10 days later he texts me from the new number and it just keeps going this way till February. February wasnt my time cause i was going through things and we were moving houses and what not. Thats when i started to open up to him, he always had the right words, i was very vulnerable and he was just there for me. He didnt give the best advice but he was just nice enough to listen and say nice things. He did anything and said anything to impress me. By the end of February i decided to go out with him for the first time, i softened up and started to accept him again and things were very good. We played our fave songs, he held my hand, we watched the sunset, he told me everything about his family, and he gave me his favorite bracelet. That day was just so beautiful and I started to like him alot. March things got way deeper, very deep. We were crazy about each other, i let him become my everything, which was my mistake. March was that honeymoon phase. April his mask kinda started to come off, and i had midterms at that time i was very stressed and things just started deteriorating, and every time id try to talk to him about whats bothering me and how we can communicate better and improve our relationship, he just didnt have it. He tried to get out of every talk we had as fast as possible and that was a red flag i shouldnt have ignored. By the end of april he traveled with his friends, and he barely contacted me through his trip and when he did he was very distant and vague. I said id give it time wait till he’s back and hopefully things will be better between us again, but he stayed that way. And although i loved him, i loved myself more and i wasnt about to ignore more red flags or let them pass so i broke up with him. Thats when hell broke loose for me. I couldn’t be without him, i cried 24/7 and just begged that we fix what we had. It was too beautiful, too good to be true i guess. He never wanted to get back and completely blamed me for everything and made me sound like a psycho. I get that hes not used to communicating and that he’d never been in an adult relationship and never learned to love unconditionally, i was learning on the way and tried to help him too but its not what he wanted. He never really tried to get to know who i really ak or how my mind works, he just wanted me for how good i look and how good i made him feel ahd when things got real he wasnt having it no more. So ever since may, hes been on my mind constantly, we tried to be friends but that never worked, cause he ghosted again and came back on my birthday on july, he finally confronted me and said “i made a mistake, i was never ready for commitment, im bad for you and you deserve way better, i cant give you what you want or need, im not for you” and that hurt because i wanted him to be. Im so angry because if he was never ready for commitment then why did he do this to me? Make me fall so deep in love? Intoduce me to his mother? Promise me things and give me false hope for the future. He was all i saw in my future, he was all i wanted. No one else and nothing else. And ive watched it crash right before my eyes so fast and easy. How did he have the heart to do all this? Was i just a rebound? I have a million questions in my head right now… ive been through worse things, how come 7 months later and i still cant get him out of my head? I keep hoping he would come back. I dont even know what it is about him. I was blinded by love. This never happened to me, i never let this happen. This time i was all in. All in. And we couldn’t even last 3 months and its been 7 months of me trying to get over him and let go of these thoughts and feelings. I even tried the law of attraction to bring him back, i prayed day and night that we find our way back to each other and do it better this time, but the lord knows hes not for me, and i know deserve better. So why?…


    Sorry if this is too much to read, id appreciate some feedback. I dont sleep anymore…


    Hi Reina,

    It’s painful to read without a proper paragraph constructed 🙁

    Let me sum up the story.

    1. You finally accepted him as your boyfriend, and the beginning was great.

    2. Things started to get messy later, communication broke down.

    3. He tried to escape from you, as you can see how much he tried to get away from you, trying all kinds of methods like ghosting and etc.

    4. Finally he was confrontational.

    PS: “i made a mistake, i was never ready for commitment, im bad for you and you deserve way better, i cant give you what you want or need, im not for you”, this kind of breakup reason is quite classic, meaning he can’t be the person you expected. Well, in other words, in a nutshell, he just want to say, he doesn’t love you anymore.

    Since he is honest and tell you about what he feel, don’t waste your energy to look for the reason.

    Move on. Don’t look back. You will be fine after some times.



    You are in pain because he played with your emotions. He led you to believe that there was something, when in fact there never could be. You were just a stepping stone as he got over his ex. This was manipulative and deceitful on his part. Guard yourself as there is a lot of this behaviour out there (I was happy that you did identify some red flags early on; heed these warnings. I personally feel intuition is a woman’s superpower).

    The only advice I can give you here is that time will, eventually, heal your heart. Trust me on that. It will be hard but your feelings and thoughts towards him will eventually fade. In their place, I hope you discover more within yourself and that you deserve better than this treatment. During this time, take the opportunity for growth. Learning a new skill or doing SOMETHING (anything) to occupy your thoughts may help. One thing that helped me get over a similar situation was to learn how to cook. Not only was this beneficial for my own wellbeing but it acts as an asset towards meeting a potential new suitor.

    Another way to get over this situation is to make a list of all the bad aspects of this former relationship and his poor character traits you encountered. Whenever you get wistful, reference and re-read this list to remind yourself why it is best left in your past.

    I wish you the best and I give you a virtual hug. You will get through this. 🙂

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