Hello everyone, im new for this site. i dont really know where to write my thoughts or i dont know anymore what im actually doing. two thing: 1. I might write in a confusing way so excuse me. 2. sorry if my English not writtien well. its not my language.

Its was about 2 years ago. I broke up from my love. theres some things that i didnt realize before, which i relaiz now. but its really doesnt matter.  when i was with him i felt good, felt like im in a beautiful dream. but sometimes i felt like i dont want that or i didnt felt he is mine. it was something really strange to feel but i could not feel other thing. I must say that i have a loving and a supportive family around me. i broke up with him after half year we were meeting. I know the reason why i did it. it was only ME. in that time we were meeting i didnt really loved myself, and i always told to myself- why is he loving me? for what? and always had a self incecure. i tried to be something i was not. there was one month when i really didnt love myself and its effected to my decition to break up with him & all this. i did it in a very hard way. i had so many fears, so many bad and negative thoughs about my self. my family were trying to “stop” me for doing this bc they knew me. and they knew that i do like him althoug i said sometimes its not mine. my freas didnt let me to feel, to love..to live this life with this beautiful person. i know i did a mistake. i had another chance to fix it after, but i was so depressed that words cant explain. i wanted to come back to him but i was too sad to do so. i felt ashemed, i felt such a gulity. i felt a bad bad person. my depression effected my family.i had many mental breakdowns which complicty changed my life. i dont know who i am after this. they were strong to see me in some hard times i had.
i dont want any psychologist, anything about that. i dont like it, and it wont help.
my love whereever you are now, with who you are now, you will always stay, and always be in my mind, in my thoughts, everywhere till my last breath.

Im sure ill stay in this situation forever but whoever reads it, i wanna say to you- that your mistake you can always fix. if you have amazing oportunities to fix or to change your life, go a ahead and jump for it. bc we are living and if we wont jump in this life, you always will stay in your stuck life. if u have fears, remember that fears only making problems. if you wont do someting bc of that fear you will always wonder why.

and here i am, sitting long time at home of doing nothing. a girl with big dreams, goals and full of life “killed” her self bc of those fears and bc of 0% self love. love your self as you are, if theres something u dont like, change it. doesnt working? try again and again. fill yourself with good people. life need to be exating. win your fears, and you will be the happiest person in this world.

Thank you, and much love to everyone.

• This topic was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by tinybuddha.
• This topic was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Lovinglife.