fbpx
Menu

They say be true to yourself…but what if yourself sucks?

Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→They say be true to yourself…but what if yourself sucks?

New Reply
Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • September 23, 2013 at 11:38 am #42658
    Kiki
    Participant

    I am having a really hard time with this whole ‘be true to yourself” thing. I was the oldest in a large family and while my parents were going through infidelity and divorce issues, I really took on the parental role in my family. Once I turned 18 however, i decided to leave home and made the conscious decision (i remember the exact day) to “live selfishly”. Fast forward 12 years of doing whatever i want without taking anyone else into account as far as making my own choices, doing my own thing etc. and i am in a relationship (my first real one, i might add) with an awesome man who makes me want to be a better person and i find myself resisting the hell out of it. The voices in my head tell me that, “No, you’re not a relationship person, do whatever you want, leave him and just do your own thing, you’re much happier alone anyway” and I can’t get it to stop. I am wracked with anxiety every time I see something that says “be true to yourself” because i know that myself is a selfish, lonely, bitter person and I don’t want to be!! I don’t want to throw away this relationship with the notion of being ‘true to my inner self” as I don’t want to be that selfish person anymore, but I am scared that that is my inner self. Help!

    September 23, 2013 at 12:57 pm #42660
    John
    Participant

    Hi Kiki,

    Thank you for posting this question as this is an issue that I’ve also struggled with. Ever since reading Hamlet and hearing Polonius say, “To thine own self be true,” have I struggled with getting at the essence of what it means to live authentically.

    I don’t have the complete answer yet, but here’s a couple of ideas that I’ve floated around. Firstly, your true voice or self would never say anything to debase you. In other words, you true voice would never make you feel anxious about who you are. It wouldn’t say anything mean about you, criticize, or judge you. If that’s what you’re hearing inside your head, that’s not the real you, but rather things that you may have heard said about you or said about other people which you’ve internalized.

    To be honest, the moments when I’ve had the most clarity about who I am, is when I don’t hear a voice at all. There’s no mind, no thoughts jumbling around in my head evaluating me whether I’m doing things right or wrong, but just allowing me to be and do whatever feels right at any given moment.

    Because I’ve taken the time to make explicit my values and principles that I want to follow, if I’ve taken those to heart and do my best to align my words and actions with those values and principles, the rest just falls into place. No voice. No judgement. No do this or don’t do that. No say this or don’t say that. Just being.

    Meditation works best at becoming familiar with the tricks your mind plays on you and the slings and arrows that you throw at yourself. With diligent practice and loving kindness towards yourself and others, that voice just fades into ether and the audio track in your head just stops and you hear the cars rolling by, the babbling brook, the baby cry, the music on the stereo, people talking, all with no evaluation, no judgement, just peace. The voice or gremlins sometimes slip in and try to trip you up, but I know with more practice, I’ll be able to rid myself of them completely someday. In the meantime, those moments when the voices are silent are awesome and I hope you too find a way to get there.

  • Author
    Posts
Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.