November 5, 2014 at 7:08 pm #67397
I sure could use some help being more positive and to let go of an ongoing situation. The situation will not be going away and is based in disrespect and dishonesty. Unfortunately, I am constantly surrounded by the situation, so ignoring it is nearly impossible. I have reluctantly accepted that a true resolution is not an option. My only choice is to be able to brush it off, while still completely surrounded by it. Logically, I understand that I need to just “let it go” – but it’s been easier said than done. Any suggestions would be so very greatly appreciated. Thank you!November 6, 2014 at 3:02 am #67416tracyParticipant
“let it go” is truly one of the most beneficial phrases I ever learned. I understand exactly where you are coming from, I have been there. a true resolution is always out there. don’t loose hope. while I do not know specifically what your situation is, let me tell you a few things that helped me with mine. most importantly- you can not change other people, you can only change yourself and your perspective. this is a huge one. try to understand that the people around you (all people around you!) want exactly the same thing you do…happiness. some are unproductive, some fearful (a lot are fearful!), some resentful or angry. you can only control what goes on in your head and you have no idea what is going on in theirs. so be kind and do not let their behaviors make you resentful. that resentment builds up- here is where you let it go. do not take it personal. look at any undesired or “negative” situation as a chance to learn. this turns it into something positive- and there is ALWAYS a positive.
I was so miserable at a job that I was truly good at, that for the last 2 years there I had migraines everyday. I would go for coffee with my friends sometimes on the weekends and see the woman working there and think that I could be happy doing that. I would joke at work and say that I was just going to quit and buy a coffee shop! well, one day I had an appointment somewhere I had never been and decided to take a walk and check things out. what I found was a tiny little coffee shop with a piece of notebook paper on the door that read ” closed due to unforeseen circumstances, business for sale”. I called. they were desperate. they had an injury and could not afford to keep it without it being open. I had enough equity in my home (the one I was able to buy because of the miserable job) that I was able to buy the shop. I have been there over seven years now and I am happy. I am telling you my story because I want you to truly believe that no matter what, the universe will take care of you. it will always give you what you need. sometimes what you need is a lesson. I learned so much at my job about myself, others, technical things. a lot of these things I did not even realize until after the fact. have faith. nothing is without a reason. smile and know that your happiness is there. change your perspective and ALL else will fall into place. I wish you joy 🙂November 7, 2014 at 6:29 pm #67518
Thank you, Tracy, for your kind words and wonderful story! So glad to hear things took a turn for the better!
The short and vague version of my situation is that I am the business owner, and the landlord is the problem. There is no getting out of the lease nor the business, and I am literally surrounded by the problems and negativity he creates. Had I known what type of person he was, I certainly never would have gotten into the situation, but now I’m stuck. He has proven to be dishonest and disrespectful to my business, my staff, and to me. We are stuck dealing with each other for quite some time, so I have tried repeatedly to make the situation better, reason with him, work with him, bent over backwards for him just to improve the relationship. Unfortunately, I’ve found any interaction with him at all results in negative consequences. I try to keep my distance and deal with him as little as possible, but I am literally surrounded by the problems he continues to create. In any other situation, I would simply distance myself from a person and situation like this and walk away; but it’s not an option here.
I refuse to let an awful person like that turn me into someone like him. I know I need to stay positive and brush off everything he keeps throwing, but staying positive in such a frustrating ongoing situation is a challenge.
Thank you, Tracy, and anyone else with kind words or advice.November 7, 2014 at 11:34 pm #67519SteveParticipant
Tricky one indeed!
Like you, I have a formula for such situations and people:
1. Accept the situation/decision/action
2. Attempt to change the “perpetrator”
3. Walk away..
As you say, your lease probably dictates that 3. isn’t an option…unless you’re really strong, and willing to take a financial hit.
Sounds like you have tried 2…..and failed
So, looks like you are stuck with option 1.
However, to ease the pain a bit, you could:
1. Try to understand where the landlord is coming from…even if you don’t agree with him
2. Perhaps try and change your perspective or beliefs…seeing you have to live with it anyway. May as well go with the flow as fight it all the way…the only person who looses, that way, is you.
No easy answer, I’m afraid.December 8, 2014 at 6:54 pm #68939
I agree, Steve. I have tried to work with the landlord, but unfortunately he has proven to be disrespectful and unreasonable. I know fighting every step will only lead to greater frustration, so I’m not.
Where I could especially use the help are the methods for brushing it off (without the luxury of leaving or changing the situation). What are some coping techniques people have used? It’s one thing to go with the flow, which I feel I am doing rather well on the outside; but how do I stop being bothered by it? What have others done to accept a bad situation and truly move forward within the same situation?
Thank you, everyone!December 9, 2014 at 6:08 pm #69001SteveParticipant
Unfortunately, the reality is…as long as you believe you have been hard done by and aggrieved…you will be bothered by it.
So, the only way to change that “bothered” emotion is to change what you believe about the situation. That’s just logic and maths.
Having said that, I know it’s easier said than done. We can’t just turn the tap off.
The trick is to do it in steps. We’re not machines. Is there a different way you could look at the situation?
For example….” I know x has happened to me. I would prefer that it didn’t, however, the realities of life dictate that these disagreements do happen to some people. It just so happens that it’s my turn to cop it.”
Now you are saying that it’s not AWFUL or HORRIBLE that it’s happened to me. You’re accepting reality.
Once you get to that stage…I would be looking at all the lessons you gained from having this episode. Are you a bit wiser? Have you had to stretch your thinking paths? Have you learnt any new life coping techniques? Would you approach a tenancy arrangement differently next time?
Now, just imagine that absolutely nothing bothered you. You would be always happy and never upset. That’s the goal we should be aiming for. Yes, you may laugh, no one will ever reach that place…but the closer we get…the less tiresome the world becomes.