Hi guys, I have been visiting Tiny Buddah and absorbing all the wisdom I can for a better living. Yesterday I noticed that in the forums you could share your truth for help and relief so here I am.

I am 19, student, away from home and in a long distance, two year relationship and the first part of me I want to share is this:

We have been together for 2 years and a half and it has been on and off. It all started when she treated me like garbage, the first time we broke up, since then I don’t feel the same towards her and she doesn’t seem to change, she’s bad at school, ditches classes, has junkie friends, no ambitions in life, self hurting and doesn’t share her feelings nor communicate. at some point we broke up for two months, we were supposed to get back but i met a girl at a party that seemed too perfect for me so I went for it. She saw me and started crying and ran away. I kept dating this amazing beautiful girl until she took off to her hometown rendering our relationship impossible. At one time I went to get my old girl again and she said yes and we dated again but this time she looked forced and we ended up breaking up again. This time she broke me off. During this time I concentrated on my studies, met some awesome friends back in my college’s city and was pretty much happy. I started to get a crush on a girl at college who was even more beautiful than any girl, we shared a few classes but i never made a move since she had a boyfriend. I totally forgot about the original girlfriend until one day she called me, I was so needy that I blinded myself thinking she had changed and it seemed so until the last few months, she ditches me for her friends sometimes and she is not caring at all, doesn’t do anything for me even i tell her it hurts. And, as of this right moment, I think of a lot of girls but her, always looking for someone better eve though we’re still together, I don’t feel so much in love with her and it’s not like the perfect happiness around her. She might be pregnant also. The rock bottom was that I started meeting random girls on the web and doing sexchat and even webcam things and today I met some girl older than me lived around my area and wanted to meet, I pushed it even to get her phone until at last moment I closed the chat window and forgot everything. But I was still willing to meet her and thats where it felt so wrong. Im so crazy desperate and don’t know what to do.

This forum was one of my only options to find help of this type. I appreciate any time guys, seriously. I love you all.