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This topic is about a friendship

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  • October 11, 2014 at 11:06 pm #66203
    Ringoo
    Participant

    I have a friend that we’ve been friends for around five years. She is a great person and has had some loss in her life a few years back and I was there for her emotionally through a very difficult time but a few months ago I noticed a change in her personality. She has become very aggressive in her conversations and everytime we chat, she talks about who she has fought with at work.

    The last few times we have spoken she has directed this towards me and when I begin to say something she talks over me and begins to talk so quickly and loudly that she cuts me off. I finally spoke up and gently said that her tone and use of words is starting to scare me. She didn’t respond and in all honesty, I think she ignored me. I quickly changed the topic and got off the phone.

    I am at a loss with this friendship, any thoughts?

    October 12, 2014 at 7:14 am #66208
    Matt
    Participant

    Ringoo,

    Consider that a hurricane loses its strength as it blows and blows. Said differently, yes, it does sound like she is dumping on you, and is that OK? What is happening on her side that is leading her pick fights? Stress overload? Overwhelmed by something?

    Sometimes “friends” just dump, overlooking the other, and there is no obligation to help them find happiness. If you can help, though, have the space to bring comfort… such as listening and validating her stories, hug her, and invite her to something lighter, it could go a long way for you both! 🙂 For example “wow, yeah, that sounds painful (hugs). Friend, even though your day was long, the night is young and the stars are out. How about we go check out that art museum?” Nod, smile, listen, and bring the cheer. If you don’t grab onto her stories (such as to fix her or judge her) then perhaps her winds won’t press as hard against your own shoulders.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    October 12, 2014 at 9:52 am #66210
    Ringoo
    Participant

    I am so glad you wrote this Matt. I did this for a year. I think perhaps my friend may need to seek some professional support. It is sad to see someone so ungrounded.

    Thanks,
    Matt

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