Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Thoughts from a cell phone bill
- This topic has 82 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 11 months ago by XenopusTex.
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September 26, 2016 at 7:09 am #116300XenopusTexParticipant
Think I can make myself palatable to good women?
September 26, 2016 at 9:24 am #116324AnonymousGuestDear XenopusTex:
I would say, to make yourself palatable to a woman, show her respect first and foremost. To do so, practice respect for other people as well, including to the female defendants you deal with. You can still be as effective doing your job and treat them respectfully.
Practice respecting others, setting dates to a time you can keep… and here, in your posts, if you want me to respond to a post that you write, always start with my name, so that I know you are talking to me. If you do not start a post with my name, I will not reply to it (unless it is the original post of a new thread).
anita
September 27, 2016 at 11:14 pm #116536XenopusTexParticipantAnita, I do need to work on respecting others. Concerned about getting soft with the opposition though.
Also trying to figure out how to find time for everything. And, how to find decent prospects. Would actually like to have the option of having a family, but time isn’t exactly on my side. Really down about my failed attempts.
Probably should also practice being present in the moment more. Mind tends to have a lot going on, and I admit to not catching things when my mind wanders.
Even on my current travels, my mind wanders to what I know is waiting for work when I get back. This trip to the Canadian badlands also shows me a lot of what I have missed these last several years. So many different places to see, and I never took to time to see them. And, saw a lot of couples in the larger towns/cities, which really kind of drove home how lonely my life has been.
Saw something in Regina that made me ponder a lot of things. Just for the heck of it, I decided to go to a sporting goods store. Looked at their firearms/ammo section and commented about the interesting selection they had up here (lots of “vintage” large game calibres) compared to the Dakotas. I got a response from one of the people working there that made me wonder if I had grown horns and a tail. Apparently he had an extremely hostile dislike for Americans, even one who had just paid him a compliment about his store’s selection.
I learned a few things from that experience. Held my tongue and didn’t make a snide reply to his issues. More than that, I was thinking of the feeling I was left with in dealing with the guy, of how much I wanted to dissociate from him. Wound up asking myself how many people I may have driven away.
September 28, 2016 at 10:13 am #116567AnonymousGuestDear XenopusTex:
In your last paragraph, did you suggest that you are responsible for the sporting good’s store worker hostile remark to you? Not if you were friendly to him. If you were friendly to him, then his hostility is not about you but about him and it is wrong of him to mistreat you.
Pay attention not to do to others what he has done to you: don’t mistreat others because of your pre-existing hostility.
You believe in being armed so to protect yourself in case you are attacked by one of the people who threatened you with physical harm. Do protect yourself from people who harm you or may harm you.
But when harm is not directed at you, as is the case by the defendants in the courthouse, just do your job without the extra expressed hostility.
Inherently, all of us humans are equal in worth. We were born as worthy as any other person. The drug dealing defendants you mentioned, they may change their ways, become better people to others. You showing them respect while doing your job, may- just may encourage them to better themselves.
Just like I hope that you will also change some of your ways and become a better person yourself.
Respectfully, I am a fellow human being aiming at becoming a better and better person myself.
anita
September 28, 2016 at 6:18 pm #116608XenopusTexParticipantAnita.
I was thinking of how many I may have driven away with a similar attitude.
Will type more later.
September 28, 2016 at 7:15 pm #116611AnonymousGuestDear XenopusTex:
One too many- till your next post, practice that respectful attitude…
anita
September 29, 2016 at 9:19 pm #116730XenopusTexParticipantContinuation of previous post — back in the States again, and have a real keyboard 🙂 Made a decision to not let the a** affect how I interacted with others. Found a lot of friendly people up there.
Had a great time. Coming back was a bit bittersweet as I also hate the end of trips. Was an interesting experience; things just clicked. Learned that some of the places I wanted to see were typically closed. However, at every such structure, when I arrived, there was somebody who could and was willing to let me in. When I wanted to see something, wound up getting there with enough time to see all of it. Never had that happen before where things just seemed to line up. Heck, even the border crossings were easy.
Not sure what to think of how things just fit together. In the past, things always felt “hard” and difficult. Working on trying to put together what conspired to make this trip as easy and enjoyable as it was.
Anita, with regard to your value comments, I guess that I have a bit of a different philosophy. I believe that there is no intrinsic special value in being human; i.e. we are all humans simply because our respective mothers and fathers were humans. To me, what makes the value in a person, beyond the possible potential to reproduce and continue the species, is what he/she does and does not do.
September 30, 2016 at 11:16 am #116782AnonymousGuestDear XenopusTex:
You believe that there is no intrinsic value in human beings, that our individual value is determined by what we do.
I would like to examine your belief, and mine, further with you.
If what a person does determines whether the person has value, then who is the person deciding what action that a person does gives him/ her value? Who is the judge?
And does a person who earned value through his/ her action stops doing that action, is the value gone with the cessation of the action?
It is my understanding that you value acting as a prosecutor and believe you have value acting as a prosecutor. Did you lose that value on your trip to Canada- or does the value holds for a vacation only and lost if you became unemployed?
anita
September 30, 2016 at 11:56 am #116790XenopusTexParticipantAnita, what I meant by that is that for all practical purposes, a surgeon has more value than a murderer.
Happened to run into the second woman today. She seemed happy to see me again. If making more changes to how I view things would help me win her over, I would gladly do so. Really drawn to her. Got a chance to sit next to her for a bit this morning. She is nicer than the previous woman.
September 30, 2016 at 1:06 pm #116796AnonymousGuestDear XenopusTex:
Regarding intrinsic human value and your extreme example, my question to you is: what if the surgeon is also a murderer? What is his value?
Regarding the woman you met again: you are focusing on a strategy so to have a relationship with her. Your aim is to have a relationship with her. If showing her respect will get you there, I suppose, you will try that, showing respect. But will you respect her is my question, to myself.
What is her worth? Do you perceive her as worthy? Please elaborate on it.
anita
September 30, 2016 at 9:31 pm #116855XenopusTexParticipantAnita, regarding the value of people, it would depend on the nature of the offense and the nature of the specialization. There are a lot of ways to “murder” someone, including medical personnel giving overdoses of opiate type pain killers to terminal patients. Hospice staff OD’ed my grandmother with morphine sulfate for example. That would be murder by statute, but to me it was the best thing that happened to her at the time.
Not sure what you mean by the strategy comment. It seems like you are saying that I would basically be playing a game with her regarding respect?
Regarding her worth, she is educated and intelligent. She has a good deal more patience than I do. Her line of work involves trying to make people’s lives better. I do consider her to be a high worth person.
October 1, 2016 at 8:26 am #116865AnonymousGuestDear XenopusTex:
What about her child? The woman you are interested has a young child- does the child have value, in your mind?
I am not about being nice and compassionate to a bad person, that is, a person committing bad acts, from child abuse to murder. And I am very much for assisted suicide for terminally ill patients. I am all about you doing a good job incarcerating people who commit bad acts against others.
In a post above, you wrote: ” To me, what makes the value in a person… is what he/she does and does not do.”
A baby, a young child- what value does a child have, to you?
anita
October 2, 2016 at 4:30 pm #116960XenopusTexParticipantActually, second woman is mostly irrelevant, she is actively dating a coworker of mine. Just found out today.
October 2, 2016 at 5:52 pm #116961XenopusTexParticipantAnita, the question is irrelevant at this time.
The guy she is dating is one of those “too stressed” to take on new work, has trouble meeting 40 hours/week folks from the office. Really starting to feel like I’m getting dumped on so that everybody else can have a social life.
October 3, 2016 at 1:53 am #116983XenopusTexParticipantAnita, sorry, just really depressed when I wrote the previous post.
Children do have value in terms of potential. As they grow older, you can determine if they are valuable to society or not. By about age 6, you can determine if children are going to be psychopathic problems or not, per the developer of the pcl-r. This individual suggested removing such persons from society at that point.
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