Hi Jem Jem,

Just wanted to come on here and give another perspective (I have not read the other advice you’re getting, so apologies if this is redundant).

I am writing because I have been in Emma’s situation several times in my life. I have multiple friends who do not get along. In the past, I would stress out so badly to try to include both of my friends who didn’t get along in events that were important to ME. It would cause drama in some way or another, I felt like I would lose either way. Either I didn’t invite one to something so that the other would be comfortable, and then the first one would be insulted that they didn’t get invited. Or I would invite both and they would complain to me, and make me have awful anxiety before my event.

I stopped worrying about how either person feels when it is something important to be, because honestly it isn’t fair for me to take on that baggage of what happened in their separate relationship. I understand that Tara was unkind to you, and that you expect Emma to be loyal to you and treat Tara differently. I want to point out that whatever dynamic Tara and Emma have is between them, and it is outside of your relationship with either. It isn’t fair to put it on someone to change a relationship based on what happened in someone else’s friendship. I know that is a bit harsh, but it really is true.

As for running into Tara, you have two options. 1) you can be honest with Emma and tell her you prefer not to be around Tara. But then you cannot be upset if Emma chooses not to include you in her events if she wants to have Tara there. 2) you can make your peace with the fact that you will see Tara at some events, and though it may be uncomfortable for you, if you care enough for Emma, you can put those feelings aside and be cordial with Tara (Hi and Bye) and not even be around her at all during the party.

I hope that makes sense and helps see it from another point of view.

NYC Artist