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JemJem

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  • #404291
    JemJem
    Participant

    Thankyou so much x x x

    #404149
    JemJem
    Participant

    That post is amazing. So helpful. I agree with it all and it was good to actually see it dissected how much fear controls me.
    I definitely need to explore this further and try to overcome it .  I honestly can’t thank you enough

    #404136
    JemJem
    Participant

    That is all so helpful. Thankyou so much . And you are bang on about me and my family operating out of fear. We are quite an anxious family

    #404133
    JemJem
    Participant

    I’d like to but I don’t see things getting any better. My family and friends say she is what you would call a “toxic” friend. They think that she knows that it upsets me but she doesn’t care.

    #404131
    JemJem
    Participant

    It has bothered me for years. However I first tried to over look it and out my feelings aside to avoid any drama. I suppose now I am just worn down. Putting my feelings aside then if she posts on social she is with her , I’m back to being hurt again.

    I never asked her to stop seeing Tara. As I felt that it would be controlling and that’s not who I am. I would have much preferred her to be loyal and to want to stop seeing her out of respect that she had badly hurt me, her friend of 30 years.

    #404128
    JemJem
    Participant

    Worst Emma could do , is if she takes It badly , turn nasty and reveal my secrets.

    Tara, if Emma was to tell her I ended our friendship because of her, verbal or physical(probably unlikely ) abuse in public if I were ever to bump into her.

    what do you think I should do ?

    #404120
    JemJem
    Participant

    <p style=”text-align: right;”>What do you think about courage?——- I do believe it’s important to be brave. I have been many times in life. The reason I fear ending the friendship and telling her why , is I am scared she causes trouble for me , spreading stories . My family fear she tells Tara. To give you background , Tara is from a family of thugs , family members often at court, and she is a thug herself. Everyone who knows Emma, is surprised she would even want to be friends with Tara in the first place , never mind the pain she caused me.</p>
    When we resumed our friendship , I had moved away and rarely seen Tara. And it was a painful time in my life and I suppose I felt ashamed that I didn’t stand up for myself properly therefore never spoke about it to Emma.  When Emma started a friendship with Tara, I told her then what had happened. Her response was “ oh my god that is awful !!!” However , she continued the friendship.

    What I really want to do is to end the friendship peacefully and tell her the reason. However the worry that she will cause trouble/drama for me is worrying. Hence, my family have encouraged me to phase the friendship out. Which I find myself quite cruel, and I would rather be honest. But again , the drama I may encounter may not be worth it.

    I really don’t know what to do and it is troubling me.

    #404119
    JemJem
    Participant

    What do you think about courage?——- I do believe it’s important to be brave. I have been many times in life. The reason I fear ending the friendship and telling her why , is I am scared she causes trouble for me , spreading stories . My family fear she tells Tara. To give you background , Tara is from a family of thugs , family members often at court, and she is a thug herself. Everyone who knows Emma, is surprised she would even want to be friends with Tara in the first place , never mind the pain she caused me.

    When we resumed our friendship , I had moved away and rarely seen Tara. And it was a painful time in my life and I suppose I felt ashamed that I didn’t stand up for myself properly therefore never spoke about it to Emma.  When Emma started a friendship with Tara, I told her then what had happened. Her response was “ oh my god that is awful !!!” However , she continued the friendship.

    What I really want to do is to end the friendship peacefully and tell her the reason. However the worry that she will cause trouble/drama for me is worrying. Hence, my family have encouraged me to phase the friendship out. Which I find myself quite cruel, and I would rather be honest. But again , the drama I may encounter may not be worth it.

    I really don’t know what to do and it is troubling me.

    #374719
    JemJem
    Participant

    My judgement has not changed. I know it’s wrong.

    #374706
    JemJem
    Participant

    But the thing is , i only want to stop seeing him because he has been flirting ect and pursuing her at the same time and that has really annoyed me. If it weren’t for this , I wouldn’t want to stop right now.

    #374701
    JemJem
    Participant

    1.Yes I started sleeping with him in December. I have found out the last few weeks he’s been pursuing another woman in work. Meanwhile, still trying to make arrangements with me. Strong friendship as being able to speak to and confide to him and trust that I will go no further.

    2. They fear is if I tell him I don’t want to see him anymore and he asks the reason , my reason would be that I’m offended and hurt that he is trying to pursue that woman also. And I am worried that If I am honest with him about my reason , he may tell the other woman that I told him , about what she told me about him pursuing her. I’m scared it will cause friction and trouble in the work place between us all which I do not want. The difficult thing is, I do care about him .

    #374691
    JemJem
    Participant

    My judgement is that it is wrong. I have never done it before. Infact I have always been strongly against it.

    But having being so isolated from my usual family and friends I’ve got lonely and given in. Plus I have a strong friendship with this man and let my feelings take over.

    #289407
    JemJem
    Participant

    No, looking back now it wasn’t a bad thing. I’m looking for advice on improving self esteem.

    #289091
    JemJem
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes I got counselling. I feel it helped wth anxiety and depression. However, my self esteem is still an issue.

    #204415
    JemJem
    Participant

    We were together for 6 and a half years. The last year was unhappy due to my anxiety and depression following two deaths. At the same time I was trying to complete a teacher training course ,get better , work and be happy for our relationship and pick myself up.  We were unhappy for a while and things weren’ the same.  He didn’t treat me the same . He broke up with me and never gave me reasons why just that we went happy and it wasn’t working aftwr we had a disgreement one night .

    We remained friends for a year and got back together. He asked me to get back with him. We had been gettng closer and I was doing well and was happy. I had been on a date and he asked me to get back with him and said he had been feeling it for a while. We got back together and a few months later he moved in with me . My feelings were all over the place. One minute I was happy and the next unhappy. I kept battling within myself as to whether it was just my anxiety and nd negative thinking. He definetly didn’ give me the attention and affection I needed.  I felt that I had told him everything that makes me sad in the relationship but he didn’ make an effort to try improve that aspect. I ovcourse asked how I could improve he relationship and I hadn’ been given much feedback. I started to think back on the date I had the year before and if I had made the right choice getting back with him. A few negative things happened over the next few weeks , he called me my sisters name during drunk sex , then he was unhappy with a member of family that I’m close with and wanted to give hem into trouble which I didn’t agree with him doing so that was causing stress and nd hhe kept It going . I felt so stressed and nd out the potential conflict and told him how I felt and he said I was making a big deal of it but he hadn’ made up his mind yet as to whether he was going to say something. I started panicking and thinking more about breaking up. We had another disagreement and spoke about how much we disagree alot on different topics and I ended the relationship as I felt that the rest of our lives would be constant disagreements. He accepted it. I felt terrible as he had to move iin either his mum and get a new flat. He slept with someone a week after we broke up. I ended up going out for a few dates with the guy I had been on a date with the revious year before we got back together. I stated to regret my decision as I loved him so much. Stopped seeing the other guy. I asked my ex back and told him how I felt and that I wanted to get back and apologised for the ending the relationship and he said no for now but he wouldn’t say never. So for the last year we have stayed friends and slept together occasionally. With me hoping that we would get together some day.

    This is all a mess and I constantly dwell and brat myself up for the decisions I much ale in every area of life and doubt myself when I and make decisions. I know that I’m not fully happy in a relationship with him but can’ help but love him qnd want to be with him .

     

    II can’ stop thinking of the baby we lost and what could have been . I was excited to coparent with him and hopeful that maybe things could have worked out.  I would still have another baby to him even if it meant we werent together . But just now o feel like I’m experience grief of losing a baby and grief and heartache from losing a person . Because he has told me he does not want to get back together , I feel like I’m going through the emotions that I should have the previous year.

    I feel that I’m weak now. I used to be so confident in myself and now I feel hopeless , sad and I hate myself and blame myself for everything .

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 15 total)