fbpx
Menu

Time to find myself?

HomeForumsRelationshipsTime to find myself?

New Reply
Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #48792
    iamtheauthor
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m new here and could really do with some advice. To summarize, I’ve been married for 7 years. About a month ago we made a mutual decision to separate. A few days later, I found out from a friend that he was seeing someone. Two weeks passed and I did not confront him. He’d come home, get dressed, go out drinking, come back at 5,6,7am to shower and get ready for work and the cycle continued. About 2 weeks ago I asked him what was happening and he said that he slept with this girl – twice. I was gutted. I turned to my friends and family for support and they have been absolutely incredible.

    A week ago he said he’d stopped communicating with this woman – he wants us to work on our marriage. We put everything out on the table. I said I need time and space to figure out what I want. I don’t know if I can get past him being intimate with this woman and I’m not sure that I can trust him. I relise that we were separated, but what lights my fire is that it was a matter of days before he started seeing her, he introduced her to close friends and was picking her up and taking her out – all while keeping it from me and still living under the same roof as me. I feel betrayed.

    He is a good guy. There are a lot of good qualities there and our marriage was not all bad. I don’t know if I can forgive him for this. I don’t know that I can ever look at him without seeing her face or thinking of what happened between them. I feel like our marriage ended the moment he decided to be with her. That said, I don’t know if I even WANT to be with him even if I could get past this. We’ve had so many issues and his Peter Pan syndrome seems to control every part of our life. If I decide to try again, will it be for the wrong reasons? Because I’m used to him being there? Because I’m hurt? Because he’s the father of our children? Or because I truly want to work at it and try to save our marriage? I just don’t know.

    Any advice offered would be much appreciated.

    #48804
    Mark
    Participant

    Hi iamtheauthor,
    Seeing another woman while still married and living with you is a betrayal of trust. My view is that to re-establish trust it must be earned back. What assurances has he made so that he won’t do this again? Words alone are empty. What specific actions has he done or promised to do to earn back your trust and his willingness to work on the marriage?

    It is good that you are going through an examination what you really want in your marriage and with your life with your husband. I believe that for any relationship we need to know ourselves first, what our core values are. You may want to sit down and write out what those values are, what you want for your life. It helps when you actually do this and see it in black and white.

    You have mentioned that you two have “so many issues” and how you have work around him (e.g. the Peter Pan syndrome) in order to have a relationship with him. I go by what the right reasons for my actions and thoughts. I use the question, “Am I coming from Love or from Fear?” I look at loving myself first. That is the standard on how I make my decisions.

    Metta,
    Mark

Viewing 2 posts - 1 through 2 (of 2 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.