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To change your demeanor: Quiet and Calm

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Viewing 6 posts - 1 through 6 (of 6 total)
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  • August 19, 2015 at 7:01 am #82017
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello all,

    I am wondering if anyone else has had a change in their demeanor either as a young adult or later on in life? I used to be extremely introverted as a child, I could barely speak. I was usually the quiet person who followed the group around. In high school and college, I met friends and became more confident and outgoing. More recently, I’ve been trying to figure out the type of person I want to be. I’m not as confident as I used to be around other people. I had a toxic friend who couldn’t keep anything to herself. I would like to find/ be with a partner who has these qualities, so why not adopt them in myself as well? I feel like an explosive personality is very detrimental to life choices and relationships.

    I want to be more quiet, compassionate, cool, collected, level headed, WAY LESS IMPULSIVE (this seems to occur around toxic people), and friendly over all. I tend to become very impulsive and that leads to bad decisions. Any thoughts on how to achieve this?

    P.S. opposites attract. When I was super confident, loud, and out going I met my recent partner who was shy, quiet, and cool. He is an introvert. I love introverts.

    • This topic was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Annie.
    August 19, 2015 at 4:57 pm #82075
    James Ng
    Participant

    Hi Annie,

    You said you were a quiet person who turned more outgoing and now want to be more quiet? The saying your friends make up half of you are has some truth in it. You were quiet when you started hanging out with more outgoing friends. The result: you became more outgoing due to the contagious energy that surrounded you. So the reverse must be true. If you’re all over the place and wish to be more composed and quiet, perhaps you should surround yourself with similar people.

    “I am convinced that different people awaken different beasts in you.”

    Embrace and appreciate who you are.

    Hope this helps,
    James

    August 19, 2015 at 6:13 pm #82082
    Annie
    Participant

    Hi James,

    Yes, I used to be a quiet person and very reserved until my life started spiraling out of control. I am very very influenced by the energy around me. This was such a wonderful response, thank you. In a sense, I have separated myself from that friend, so I am doing much better – drama free.

    August 19, 2015 at 8:21 pm #82085
    James Ng
    Participant

    Hey that’s a step towards self-improvement already. Good for you!

    We all get influenced by other people, either directly or indirectly. Surrounding yourself with different people is good at times because you’ll learn who you are in the process – your core values and beliefs.

    I don’t know how big of a nature person you are but spending some time alone outdoors in a natural setting, preferably at a park or by the shore, is good for you. About 15-30 minutes is good enough, but the longer the better.

    The reason is simple. We are constantly surrounded by distractions, drama, and negativity so spending time in nature is a good way to purge that and clear the mind. That’s how I reset.

    August 20, 2015 at 7:31 pm #82127
    Annie
    Participant

    Hello again James,

    You are right that we get influenced by the people around us. I still have some good people in my life. I guess now there is more room to meet new people. Yes, most of my personal growth has come from the different experiences i’ve had with other people.

    I’ll have PLENTY of time to myself very soon and i’m very excited. I love being out in the world and spending time alone. 🙂 Will find nature.

    August 22, 2015 at 9:14 am #82172
    mimicus
    Participant

    Hi Annie and welcome to TinyBuddha. First of all, thank you for this, I’m just glad someone does:

    >P.S. opposites attract. When I was super confident, loud, and out going I met my recent partner who was shy, quiet, and cool. He is an introvert. I love introverts.

    Please don’t take this the wrong way but our personalities are kind of ingrained in us – we cannot often change that (powerful events that happen to us might but it can happen, you can’t make them happen). So if being impulsive is a part of your personality, I’m sorry but you can’t change that – the best you can probably do is learn to accept and love that about yourself.

    But you said that you were quiet and reserved so you are probably an introvert yourself. This had happened to me a while ago – I had gotten really impulsive and I’d start arguing with people and then end up feeling bad about it, over-analyzing it over and over again in my head until it drove me crazy.

    The way I changed that was by being aware of myself, like really aware, constantly examining myself i.e. how I was standing (my posture which can play a really huge part in how we’re feeling), what I was saying, what amount of stress/anxiety was I under, etc. Once you can learn to do that, you can learn to analyse when you are getting impulsive and keep it under check.

    Hope it helps.

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