I think you should think of the message that this whole situation is bringing: for me it shows you are longing for such person as she is.
Maybe thats a sort of person you’ve always wanted to be?Or maybe communication with her offers sort of an escapade from routine ways of living/ thinking?
I remember very wise words said by a priest on my cousins wedding – he said to the newlyweds ” you both are very beautifull, so others will certainly look at you both and chase you, it is even possible that you’ll fall for those other people, but when /if that happens, you first think of what you already have instead of what could be and if that possibility is actually worth loosing what you’ve created together”.
Many people seem sooo amazing until we actually get to know them. So I suggest to be very careful in such situation and evaluate everything with dilligence. I’ve been in a similar situation once, but I’m not married, so there were no obstacles to get with that man who seemed to get to the very core of my very being. Yet after several months it was over. And you have your marriage at stake.

Dear Torn,
I will try to help you with two perspectives. First, I have been married twice. The first time I was too young (19 years old). Now I´ve been married for 7 years. The second marriage I treasure it, and I constantly make it work, because life of the married is not just like the fairytales. What you are feeling for this woman, I can imagine, cause it has happened to me also. I see this woman once in a while, and every time I see her…I would give anything to be able to hold her in my arms. It feels very strange.. She physically is beautiful, on a scale from 1 to 10 I would give her a 10. I have to tell you that my wife is also beautiful, I would give her almost a 9 which is great.
Every time I see this woman, I get like a rush inside of me, it´s like a drug or something..and I almost feel dizzy. What I do, is try to think, WHAT I AM PROJECTING on her… I agree with Marilyn, it is like a mirror. You project your psyche, inner self, towards somebody else… Think about it, you don´t really know that woman… Neither do I… It can also, be a chemical reaction.

Perspective number 2, I´m a psychologist, and I can tell you that people tend to project into others the inner self… If we talk about the subconscious, Karl Jung, stated that we have unconscious images that control our inner self. This images are called archetypes. Every man has an archetype called ANIMA, and every woman has an ANIMUS… The female and the male counterparts. We project into women our female inner self, and they project unto us their masculine self. Both of them, unite and help you develop and mature. So maybe, you are projecting onto her, what you need… and you need to take a moment to search inside… the answer to your riddle is INSIDE yourself…and not OUTSIDE…
When you are ready to attract what you need… you liberate hormones, and pheromones as in animals…so your psyche and your body are trying to make you attract her in order to WORK an issue of your INNER SELF.

Try to remain calm, let the anxiety to subside.. and after it subsides, try to think why are you attracting or feeling attracted to her?

Peace of mind,

Carlos.

Hello, I hope you don’t mind me posting this story here. I just found it yesterday and it made me really emotional and could help you reflect also…. Let me know what you think. Thank You Anne
~
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to say it. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She shouted at me, “you are not a man!”
That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; I had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, 30% shares of my company and the car. She glanced at it and then tore it to pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said, for I loved Dew so dearly.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell fast asleep because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just didn’t care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month, we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy.
Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request. I told Dew about my wife’s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she has, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully. My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest… I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me; she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come close and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office… jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind… I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other any more. Now I realized that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until one of us departs this world.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The sales girl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote: I will carry you out every morning until we are old.
The small details of our lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, the property, the bank balance that matters. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build a relationship.