Dear marissa,

your brother never seems to have owned up to his mistakes and is always blaming someone else (All his problems are never because he chooses those decisions he makes ect it’s everyone else’s fault.) Now, when he contacted you out of the blue, he didn’t say anything that would suggest he’s changed, or that he sees how his behavior was damaging. Rather, he seems to be expecting you to simply resume the relationship “for the sake of your children”, while not being willing to change his attitude or his behavior.

I believe you did well to refuse the relationship under those terms. You aren’t obliged to keep in touch under his terms and put up with his toxicity. And his toxicity was on display right away: He said I am a “joke” of a mother, aunt and sister and I am a constant disappointment to everyone in my life.

I’m not sad at all not being in contact with him but more just exhausted by the toxicity.

Good you aren’t sad, but I guess his toxicity still bites you. Do you believe any of those words that he told you (that you are a bad mother and a disappointment to everyone in your life)? If you do, you’ll be more vulnerable. If not, you’ll be more able to handle it, even if you’re disappointed that things have turned out like that.

Dear marissa:

I am so sorry. From what you shared, your older brother is more than just a “Toxic brother”: having been charged with sexual abuse of an underaged girl, and separately, having been charged with attempted murder, on top of robbery and breaking and entering.. all this means that he is toxic not only to you, but to the public at large.. and to his own children, especially if he has a daughter who is underaged. And if you have an underaged daughter and he wants to reconnect.. be careful!

– I hope that you did all that you were able to do to protect the public from this man, particularly children, including protecting his own?!

anita