Hi Jason,

In this culture, we’re taught to chase after our dreams, like you said. This gives us the false notion that happiness is something we have to seek out, beyond ourselves. But where is the happiness (contentment) really coming from? That’s right it’s coming from inside us. We have learned to allow ourselves moments of happiness when we have reached a goal. Well, why not just allow happiness to happen regardless? When we sit and recognize how amazing it is to be alive in the first place, having this experience, what more reason do we need? It really is that simple, on paper. In practice, that’s where it’s tricky, because we’ve been conditioned to believe that happiness MUST be pursued.

The brain is a muscle, a reflex organ, wanting to do what it’s used to doing. Getting yourself to unlearn that conditioning, and seeing the simple truth, and putting it into practice, well, takes practice. Though it’s a practice of not imagining things, not letting your mind wander. Meditation is simply that. Try sitting and see how long you can go without imagining anything at all. You’re only conscious of what your senses are picking up, that’s it. Just going 10 seconds is tough, right? They call this ‘calming the monkey mind’. I am no meditation master by any stretch but I’ve experienced enough to see the positive effects. Failure seems not as big of a deal anymore. I learn from it and move on. I still strive for things but it’s more about the kind of person I am becoming, how I treat others. There is still enjoyment and appreciation in material things, but it’s a not a ‘must have’. It’s a revelation of something I already knew about, yet kept overlooking (happiness comes from the inside and doesn’t need a reason to be experienced/shared).

Hope this helps!

I can relate to that feeling.

I had to try out all the senses… for me – music was the one. I am inspired most by sound – inspirational sights are augmented when accompanied by water trickling, or some ear buds with inspirational music that suits me (it took a lot of searching for this), if I also have the smell of a beautiful flower or lovely incense I’m even more intrigued… I am still not a touch person in a way I have figured out. But I could imagine myself in a hot spring surrounded by all of this and being tantalized… or possibly sitting on a bed of velvet… not sure.

Our senses are a gift. I’m not an expert on this by any means – and maybe I am wrong because I have read almost nothing about this so I only have to go off what I personally think – but here goes: If we feel a sense of value in ourselves…. that we are a gift to the Earth (not like Gods Gift to Woman or Men lol) but truly that it is an honor to be here – that everything that had to fall into place to get consciousness is an unbelievable gift and honor… and we have all these gifts in our senses… why not honor ourselves and the Universe that presented us by immersing our self in some peace in that regard.

To me – I think what I’m getting at – is a low self worth/value/esteem would cause for me to not cherish and revel in myself. And if I do not offer myself time to do this – I am not in appreciation for this (me) and the honor it is to be me. And if I am not engaging in that mind set and acting accordingly to stimulate my consciousness in these ways that I find delightful – then I am ‘less than’ I could be – or not living to my potential or testing my potentials, or interested in my true human potentials and capabilities. If I am not interested in me – then who else could be? And so if I am not good to myself, I end up no good to anyone – no good for my human family or species. And because I am a creature that was born into a need for socialization – it makes sense for me to figure me out – socialize with myself in the described way above (or other ways – again I’m new at this and pretty much making this up as I type) and spread myself out into my human family in the most happy or useful way.

In short – I know as a stay at home mom, I am not happy when I do not spend some time alone rejuvenating. I basically suck at mothering and I suck in general. Cranky – prickly attitude. When I am prickly at others – I have to feel prickly. That isn’t good for me – or anyone.

I am so glad to have this opportunity to work this out in my mind and slow my brain to the speed of my typing while sharing a moment in time with you. Thank you so much for this!

🙂 I love this post Rumi – it’s very interesting. The Vipassana you are talking about I’ve never even heard of! I can’t wait to check it out!

Jason,

I’m basing my own view of how things work on my personal experience. Having read plenty of similar experiences, I feel confident enough to share the view in hopes that it might help see things more clearly. I am not, however, making claims that I have access to some ultimate truth 🙂 I use poetic language to describe the experiences, because there is no other way to explain it. It is impossible to be literal or very practical with things that are so abstract.

According to my experience, it is unconditional love that fills the void within and makes it possible to not be so dependent on external things and beings. A lot of people say that they feel unconditional love towards their children, but I think that’s different. There is a condition there, which is the familial connection. It is familial love (“I love you despite what you do, because you are part of my tribe”). In my own experience, what unconditional love feels like, is this radiant warmth towards the self and it fills you up so that the rest just radiates to your surroundings. Because you feel filled with love, you feel love, you are love. All of a sudden it’s easier to face others without judgment or fear. There is no need to cling onto someone else to provide the warmth, because you’re already filled with it. But in order to accept that such love would enter your heart, you have to accept yourself. Unless you love yourself unconditionally, you can’t have such love. The good thing is that it is you who gets to decide.

It all sounds great and easy, but it’s not. We have secrets, guilt, fear, shame, that we simply do not want to face and accept. Some we can be aware of, others can be accessed through meditation. Years of accumulated fears and sorrows and shame that were left undealt with, because dealing with them was too difficult. Perhaps we haven’t received love or attention, and grown to believe that it was not for us, so we automatically reject love. It’s then easier to deny, look away, create illusions and move on. But if you don’t accept all of you and accept that you are worthy of love, then the love can’t enter and isn’t unconditional. It has conditions. It is like filling only parts of your being with light, but wishing to keep other parts in the dark. Those dark spots are then the ones that we try to fill with other things, other people, possessions. Sometimes even thinking of other people as possessions or the extension of the self.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with having possessions and striving for achievements and having strong connections with other people. It is more about the intention. If the self-worth is tied to these things, then not only are you ever going to be free, the other people can’t be free either. “I need you, because without you I feel empty”. It places too much expectations on the other, and starts to destroy the connection. However, one could also feel completely content and happy, filled with light and love, and the connections are like a cherry on top of already wonderful existence. Those connections feel joyous, instead of necessary. “I’m so happy that I get to share my life with you”.

I have no view of the meaning of life, so I can’t respond to such inquiry. I have stopped troubling myself with such questions. I’ll do the best that I can with what I’ve got and try to nurture life, love and light. It seems like the healthy thing to do. Basically, I am here now, for what ever reason, and I have the choice of spending that time living in denial and in darkness, emptiness, or I can face the fears and live in light and love and have a joyous existence. That is the simplest way of looking at it, from my perspective. Occam’s Razor approach 🙂

Oh, and how does all of this work with mindfulness? I think that mindfulness is a tool to keep the mind from getting out of control and starting to get entangled again, creating new fears or holding onto old ones. The heart is probably ready to receive abundance of love, but the mind doesn’t always agree 🙂 So you’ll need to have tools to keep the mind in check and connected with the heart. At least that is how I see it.

I have experienced pretty much both ends of the spectrum and have come to realize that whilst I’m not a walking bundle of love and compassion 24/7, living authentically is such a rush compared to trying to be something that you’re not. Essentially, accepting yourself as you are without judgment, and accepting the reality as it is. There are less regrets and fears, which were mostly just illusion as well. No need to make it more complicated than it is. If you like something, enjoy it. If you don’t like something, don’t pretend that you do.

Regarding Vipassana, if someone is interested in it, there are couple of interesting documentaries on YouTube:

One is Doing Time, Doing Vipassana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkxSyv5R1sg I think it’s a very fascinating one and have watched it a few times. It has an interesting point about how these people lived in a jail with hellish conditions, yet still admitted that sitting alone with your thoughts was more difficult.

Another is a documentary called The Dhamma Brothers, preceded by an interview of Thich Nhat Hanh about mindful living: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PCXeHNL3s8

I hope that was all more clarifying than confusing 🙂

• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by The Ruminant.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 4 months ago by The Ruminant.

I’m a “her”, but otherwise I agree with John 😉 (my gender doesn’t really matter though in this situation)

I never had any formal training in meditation, and was sort of thrown into cold water and just had to learn how to survive. I did it pretty much exactly how John is describing it. I refused to have conversations with myself, interrupted the words that started to form, and let go of those thoughts that did pop up. It took a bit of practice, but after a while, it was possible to just be without the constant narration. It is a really wonderful tool to have. I used to think so much all the time, that I resorted to alcohol to quiet down the mind. With each glass of red wine, the thoughts went down from a gazillion to only one, until I passed out. To be able to have some rest from the constant thinking without having to resort to such antics is a huge blessing. Now thinking is enjoyable again, as I can control it and it doesn’t control me. I control the words, the words do not control me. Life is more simple, as there’s really no need to analyze every possible thing that is going on. I can choose what’s worth the time and effort.

But enough about me. Just wanted to share that and agree with John 🙂

My apologies Ruminant! I try to keep my messages gender neutral. : )

Good luck Jason!