I experienced similar situation. I am not sure if i am overreacting too. I just broke up with my bf. Same likes your case, he was just out of a long-term and long distant relationship when we started dating. He continues to chat with his ex, his ex told him she is still waiting for him, but i know that he did tell her that don’t wait for him.
I started to mess up everything and lost my trust to him when he scolded me as i called him when he was hanging out with his ex, he un-tagged himself on my fb’s photo, blocked me on fb, when we were still in a romantic relationship. (we were still text-ing love message to each other everyday (we are in long distant relationship too)).
I called off the relationship a few times, but i still hooked on him when i called off the relationship, i was constantly thinking that whether i was overreacting or did i accused him falsely? He said he love me very much, thus he was trying to mend the relationship. He still continues to be friend with his ex, chatting etc. I understand that an ex can be friend after the relationship ended, but I feel so uncomfortable knowing that the ex is still emotionally attached to my man.
Yea, trust is a fundamental building block of any relationship. I lost my control, trust and accused him when he was not able to pick up my called for few times in a day when he was together with his ex for his family gathering. I believe that he was not physically attached to her, but the emotional feeling really gets to me.
After dwelling in this arguments for few months, he decided to cut off contact with me totally as he said that I accused him and threw his love into trash.
I am still in the process of healing, but i am constantly feeling guilty and sinful when he said I made false accusation on him and I blamed him for my own faults and wrongdoings. My self-esteem became very low, is it I am a negative person who likes to blame when things turn sour?

Tulips,

I’m sorry for the confusion and suffering you’ve experienced, intimacy can be tricky to say the least. Its possible that you overreacted, as you’ve noticed about yourself that you have trust issues. Perhaps you could have a conversation with him about those issues, and how deeply unsettling his communication with other women has been for you. A few things came to heart as I read your words.

First is that many guys don’t usually commit to a relationship in the same way at the beginning. They might say “no thanks” to women’s advances, but they don’t necessarily say “please stop your advances, I’m in love with someone.” This isn’t because of infedelity or being untrustworthly, it has to do with growing roots. As two people get to know each other more and more, it moves from “happy time” to “you’re my family, my partner.” When a man truly commits, he will protect that family, but often women have to show them how. Help them see what threatens it, not out of jealousy or mistrust, but what really arises when boundaries are not created and maintained.

For instance, it is quite possible that you and he have very different views of what is happening within those texts. He might see it as validating to his sex appeal, his manly chutzpa, and even though he has every intention of pouring that studlyness toward you, it may not occur to him that saying “no” isn’t really enough. Or, maybe he is trying to keep his options open, not having committed to you. This is why communication and openness is critical to moving forward, growing a relationship.

As far as the beginning of a relationship being the best part, hopefully not. Trust and connection grows more and more over time, when the union is tended well. Its really only the sparkly dream-like fantasy of love that is powerful in the beginning. We form a connection, and it is new and refreshing, has the potential for love, but is more about exploration, infatuation, romance and sexual attraction than love. It can grow into love, but is different. Namaste.

With warmth,
Matt