Hello,

Only recently I realised that I fear abandonment. Three years ago I met a man with whom I share a special connection and it was then I began a spiritual journey within myself. Although back then things didn’t work out between us, recently we’ve started becoming really close to each other. Although we’re not romantically involved at the moment, we both feel a special bond between us. However, I’ve noticed that whenever we get close, I start fearing that he would eventually leave me and I would be left in a lot of pain. With this in mind, I start trying to push him away although there’s nothing I want more than to be with him. I thought that the cause of this fear was that three years back he tried pushing me away by dating another girl but today I realised that this fear runs much deeper than I thought. Ever since I started dating, I always chose men who didn’t treat me right or who I knew would eventually leave me. Sometimes I even became the side girl to guys who were probably taking a break from their relationships. Three years back I probably didn’t have much self-worth but I can’t say the same about my present self. I have spent a lot of time getting to know myself and done a lot of inner healing. However, few weeks back I again found myself being attracted to a man who is in a long term relationship with someone else. I haven’t dated in two years and I do get lonely once in a while but I really appreciate the time I’m able to spend with myself right now. I read in many places that the fear of abandonment and choosing emotionally unavailable partners is due to abandonment issues one faces in childhood but I’ve had no such problems. I’ve always had a loving family and amazing friends and right now I’m quite satisfied with the life I’m living and that’s why I’m unable to understand my behaviour. I’m sharing this post because I need help understanding where this fear comes from so that I can slowly get rid of it. Any insights would be helpful.