Ungrateful and Materialistic Relatives

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    Hi everyone. If you have time to share your input, it would be most appreciated. 🙂

    Our family and relatives have came from a background of poverty. However, since my family was fortunately enough have just a tad more money, we would give it to them (say, $100 or more every few months) even though that small amount of money could have helped us back then. It wasn’t much… but we still helped them!

    We did a lot of favors for them with nothing in return. Now they become VERY financially well off many times over than us (pretty much “rich”), we start to notice many incidents where they are materialistic and don’t want have to do anything with us anymore. I understand that when you live in poverty, you dream of money as the stepping stone to the “necessities of life like a a house, car, etc.” But they go well beyond just the “necessities.”

    When we argue, they would be so malicious in spreading rumors about false things we do.

    We have financial troubles at times and they wouldn’t even lend us $100 (when we know for a fact they are able to).

    When we owe them $102.50 once and we returned $100 after we went to the grocery store. They showed up on our steps the next day exactly to collect the remaining $2.50.

    We want to buy something that cost $72 and asked for a discount to $70 and they absolutely refused.

    When we go visit them, we are reminded over and over not to touch anything because “we can’t afford to replace it if we break it”

    I went on a overseas trip and gave them some souvenirs which included 5 pieces of chocolate candy and maybe another 5 pieces of cookies. They gave it back and wrote letters in big red letters saying “do you want me to die? You know I have diabetes and you give this to me?! I knew you are an evil person”

    I was talking about my overseas trip and they said “what a waste of money. Are you showing off that you went on vacation? I make ………. a month, I can go everywhere in the world. We have BMW, mercedes, and going to buy several houses….”

    Grandma is in the hospital and deteriorating. We do get government aid to take care of her. We stay with her every night in the hospital. But when we ask them to stay one night because just to give us one night break and we thought she was going to die, they said “you’re getting paid every month for taking care of her, this is your job, you stay with her.”

    And we have divorce and a single parent in our family and they use that to insult us so much. “You single parent this, you single parent that.” etc etc etc

    I myself am single in my late twenties and that must mean “I am undesirable and no one wants me” to them.

    They have grown… very competitive and materialistic. They have to have everything more and better than us.

    Of course I feel sad about this. But I feel such grief stricken when I see my own parents cry over this when it’s not even our fault. They have forgotten that when they had nothing, we were the only people that helped them out. It was very little help but it was still us that helped them.

    I feel ready to just let them go. I wish them the very best of everything and it’s all out of my control how they act/think of us. We have never harmed them, we are not jealous of them, but if they continue to think so poorly of us, it’s their fault, not us. However, my parents cannot let them go because they still love them as “family.”

    …..What now. Still tied back to this ungrateful toxicity. So all I have been doing is just…. meditation and not think about it. Live and let live. But I’m still such a weak mental person and I keep thinking about it! So much unnecessary anxiety and sadness for the last few months. And it’s just me making myself suffer.

    Any suggestions?


    Thank you sincerely for your time!



    Dear Jade,

    I’m so sorry to hear this. No wonder you are living in such anxiety and with so much sadness.

    Perhaps it’s time to remind them that:

    They have forgotten that when they had nothing, we were the only people that helped them out. It was very little help but it was still us that helped them.

    TBH, if it were me, I would say the above and then keep my distance.  A lot of what they have been doing and saying is really hateful and spiteful of them. You neither need nor want that in your life. If your parents decide differently, then that does not have to be your decision as well.

    Better to be poor and honest, than rich and hateful. It seems to me that they have to have someone to measure themselves by, materialistically, so they use you and your family to make themselves feel even more powerful and dominant.

    If they didn’t have you and your family to insult and upset, they would have to find someone else. Cut loose my friend. You don’t need people like that in your life.

    Best wishes,


    • This reply was modified 11 months, 2 weeks ago by JayJay.
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