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Unique, Intimate Friendships

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  • #99386
    Braz
    Participant

    So I feel that I have a very unique, special friendship with someone that seems to confuse people and make them uncomfortable; I’m wondering if anyone has the same experience.
    My best friend and I are incredibly close. To start–I’m a lesbian. He is straight. I am not attracted to him sexually (or romantically in the traditional sense). However, I consider him to be my soulmate in the purest, most innocent sense of the word. He feels the same about me. We talk about everything, connect on every level, and I feel that he is the only one who truly understands, you know, actually hears me when we speak. That’s a very rare and special thing. But I feel like people don’t get it, primarily because it is a male-female friendship. If we were both women, for instance, I think that people would think it was a sweet and normal relationship, but when I try to explain it to even our other friends, I can tell that they are judging us, or don’t truly believe that we are totally platonic. It’s hurtful, and a real shame that I can’t share this great connection with other people. We were talking about this the other night–how we want to move away together, travel the world, just experience life together–and how sad it is that people are going to ridicule us for it, that they’ll never understand. I know that from that description, our relationship certainly sounds romantic, but I believe that things are not so black and white. Relationships of every kind are complex and beautiful, and the feelings and relationships I have had with women are entirely different from how I feel about my best friend. With women, I experience “normal” romantic feelings, what you would expect, you know. But with him, it’s like he is me. He’s a part of who I am. He’s… my person. But I am not in lovewith him. I love him like he is an extension of myself. Almost like family, but it’s much deeper than that.

    I know that our friendship will possibly cause a lot of complications in our future. But I don’t really care! I am certain other people have experienced this, so I just wanted to see how many people can relate–in a less judgmental environment. Thanks for reading.

    #99441
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Braz:

    I can relate to how rare it is when someone really hears you. You stressed the word “hear” in your post. How rare it is… it is quite amazing how rare it is between married couples (straight or gay), between parents and children (minor and adult), between siblings, between…. anybody. So often, people do not listen, only wait for their turn to talk…

    Or so often, these are not conversations between two people; instead it is like one person vomits, then the other person vomits, then everyone cleans the vomit and next round of vomiting.

    A simple thing like really hearing what the other person is saying… rare indeed and what a shame it is so rare.

    Because of my appreciation of good communication, I judge your relationship with your best friend as something good. And by the way “normal”- that word, normal … I don’t think it means anything anymore.

    anita

    #99481
    Inky
    Participant

    Hi Braz,

    The good news is that people are more accepting of all KINDS of relationships now. When I was younger if you were standing in line with a guy at the deli together it meant you were going out. Now when my DD is in the deli with a guy it’s “We’re just FRIENDS Mom, jeez, what’s wrong with you??” LOL

    My sister is very close with her business partner. People get awkward because they don’t know if they’re sisters, best friends or lovers.

    People like Labels and to Pigeon Hole other people.

    Your relationship with your Person ~ “The people who matter don’t mind and the people who mind don’t matter!”

    You’re a lesbian whose best friend is a guy. What’s so hard to understand about that? 🙂

    • This reply was modified 8 years, 9 months ago by Inky.
    #99494
    Runa
    Participant

    You can’t stop people from judging you. We all do it whether we admit it or not. Their opinions of your relationship should hold no water unless your relationship is harming you or someone else. This sounds like a pretty healthy one to me. Get on with your life. Peace be with you.

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