Hi Maria,

Your post resonated with me so much I was prompted to register an account. I have been in a similar situation. I had an abortion at 24, at the time I wasn’t committed to my relationship and was unemployed and felt it wasn’t right to bring a child into the world without being able to even support myself.

As with your situation, your answer mainly lies with what YOU want. Your partner may not want a child, and you may face possible scrutiny from your families, but ultimately if you really don’t see yourself as a mother then it’s alright to not be one. Having children isn’t for everyone and that’s okay. I still feel the guilt and psychological effects in my life from time to time but at the end of the day, I’m not ready. And if one day you decide you want children then that’s fine, too. But if it isn’t something you feel you can really do right now, either with your partner or on your own, then the choice you make will be the best for you, and your feelings come first.

Best of luck.

MaRia, have you thought about giving the baby up for adoption? There are many couples out there who are unable to have children, but are able to provide a wonderful life for an adopted child.
I know pregnancy and childbirth can be scary, but if you don’t want another abortion and you don’t want to be a mom…. Why not give someone else the gift of a child of their own? Some very good friends of mine are a point of reference for me. They both have incredible careers, a beautiful home and are just the sweetest people in the world. However, they are unable to conceive. It has been a hard few years for them, but they are not looking to adopt and beginning the process now.
There are probably thousands of couples in this country just like them. It is ultimately your choice, and I hope your boyfriend will empower you to make your own decision. Just thought I’d comment since you said you were uncertain.
My thoughts are with you, good luck.

You do not have to be a mother if you do not want to.

You do not have to have another abortion if you do not want to.

It’s very hard to advise on this because this really is your call to make and nobody else’s. I don’t think there’s any shame or blame in having an abortion, but I’ve never had one. I don’t know, and can’t know, exactly what you went through, and what the emotional and psychological fallout has been for you.

This is a tough decision. It’s OK to need time with it. And although the person making the choice is ultimately you, that doesn’t mean you have to make it alone. Talk to your partner, your doctor, a counsellor. What would need to be in place for you to have a baby, for adoption or to raise yourself, and to still live a good life? What would need to be in place for you to have an abortion, and still live a good life?

I wish for you clarity, wisdom, and courage. And whatever you choose, I wish for a good life for you.

Hello,

First, I want to say that my heart goes out to you. Even though it’s already friday and you’ve probably already made a choice, I felt compelled to respond to your post, as I am a woman in her 20’s who has had an abortion. It is not my intent to try to sway you either way, but I just wanted to put it out there that you MUST do what you feel in your heart is right – and the decision has to be exclusively for you and you first and secondly for your child and nobody else. Unfortunately, being pregnant is not a circumstance that you can negotiate or compromise on with your partner or any other person. I want to share my story with you. My abortion was the beginning of the end for my very serious relationship. My ex (who was terribly emotionally abusive) tried talking and pressuring me out of it… He very inappropriately told all of his friends, family, and coworkers about my choice (turning them against me in the process)… And in the end, he held it over my head and called me a murder for what I had done. One might infer that because of what I did, I destroyed a relationship that I was sure would last forever. Even though I’m still grieving the break up, I can happily report that I wouldn’t change a thing. Because it was something that I had done with 200% of my heart, I still to this day, do not regret it. Nor have I ever had any second thoughts about it.

Whatever you do, if you truly feel certain about it, if you truly feel in your heart that it’s the right thing for you, then you will not feel bad and you will not regret it. And anything that anybody has to say about it will simply not matter.

Best of luck.