unsatisfied & helpless

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    Hiya, I’m about 17-19 and I feel like i’m missing out on life. All of my friends are going out to parties and living their ‘adolescent years’ as normal. I used to go to parties, all the time but gradually they grew repetitive and conversations were dull and shallow so I decided to stop going to them and over time I stopped being invited to them as I was vocal about how I felt there was more to life then drinking every friday and saturday night getting into a boring routine. So here I am a couple of months later longing to go back to that life.
    I haven’t been out for a while now and I feel like im missing out on my teenage years, ones i’ll never be able to get back yet I’m not sure i’d want to go to the parties in the first place anyway, im not entirely sure i’d enjoy them. But i feel left out and now theres nothing I can do. I feel lonely as i’m the only one who’s done this in my social group, and i’ve tried changing social groups to see if it were any better but i just find myself wishing things were different whatever situation im in. If i’m invited to parties I wish i wasn’t and if im not being invited I wish i was. I’m just unsatisfied with everything and it’s bringing me down. Also parties bring out my anxiety a lot more i feel helpless.

    If anyone could give me words of advice i’d be really happy thanks x


    Hello Bridgette,

    If you are thinking that there is more to life than these repeatitive parties and boring conversations, then I think you are clearly on the right track. It’s a good thing that you have realised this thing at such a younger age, this is really commendable.

    But I still think that you should not isolate youself from your friend circle,because man is a social animal and he/she can’t remain isolated from his social circle for a long time, otherwise one certainly might feel depressed after certain time. You should enjoy your time with friends, and should go to parties but at the same time I think you also need some good hobby also that can keep your mind engaged in some constructive work. Just find out some hobby like reading,writing,painting,cycling,gardening,bird watching or anything that can make you happy. You can engage youself with some community work, and I think person of your mindset feel much better when they help other people. You can also try learning some form of meditation, that can help you cope with your emotions in much better fashion. Currently I think there is so much un-decisiveness in your nature. With meditation your mind can settle down, and then you can chart out your future course of action with clear and firm mindset. If possible take a look at “anapan” , “vipassana” or “mindfullness” meditation techniques. Search about them on internet. You’ll get plenty of information about them and the centres where they are conducted.

    I know you will come out of your situation very soon.
    My best wishes to you.


    If you don’t want to spend your weekends drinking, you are clearly smarter than them and destined for a more interesting life. People make too much of their teenage years, in my opinion. None of the people I hang out with (I’m 35) feel like our teenage years were all that special. More like an obstacle course which teaches you some useful stuff about what not to do.

    Having friends is important, at any age. So even if you skip out on the boring parties, I hope you have some way to connect with friends and spend time together. It doesn’t always have to be so very special, as long as you get to talk about the stuff that’s been going on in your life, and they talk about theirs, that can be a good time.

    Maybe you can find activities/hobbies (local politics, amdram, music, volunteering, nature walks, reading to the blind, etc.) that bring you into contact with people of different ages. It can be difficult for a teenager to make friends with people who are older (and controversial if they’re of the opposite gender) but it can also be really rewarding. You sound like you might be a bit of an odd fish, and you’re in too small a social environment right now to find the other odd fishes. Once you get out of the fishbowl of school and your social life opens up a bit more, it’ll be easier to find people who speak your language.

    For now, don’t alienate your friends too much, meet new people, and hang in there. It gets better.

    • This reply was modified 9 years, 3 months ago by Will.

    I noticed that you have a lot of feelings, just from reading your post you feel left out, lonely, helpless, missing out, etc… First I would ask you if you are a sensitive person and recommend you do some research on people who are sensitive. People who are sensitive usually do not like a lot of stimuli and have anxiety. Maybe the party scene is too much for you, it really isn’t for everyone and as others said you will find new better social environments as you grow up. It is difficult to find good friends, especially for a sensitive person if you are, because sensitive people are also more sensitive to negative social cues and criticism, so even if someone is being nice to you, do you pick up the negative facial expression that flashes across there face for a split second. Hope this helps.


    Hi Bridgette,

    You are a ‘wise’ soul and mature for your age !

    Unfortunately, socializing nowadays at any age revolves around drinking ! Not drinking is a good thing – you have realized that at an early age and that is good !!

    Anytime you have a different path than the ‘crowd’ you will be alone at times in life….but that is ok.

    Having said that, just make sure you don’t get too isolated and fall into depression….that is something you must be careful of. Make sure you have at least a few people that you communicate with on a regular basis, and try to find even one or two friends that do not drink and you can hang out with.

    God bless and good luck !


    Many thanks to everyones replies, I’ve been pondering what has been said and it’s helped a lot. I’m considering taking up photography. I don’t have long left of school so hopefully I can stick it out till then. I have faith that it’ll all turn out for the better!

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