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Unstable family

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  patelh 1 month, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #224829

    patelh
    Participant

    I got married to my husband 4 years ago against his mothers will. But I am facing issues still to this day after this decision and its affecting my quality of life. Her and her family dont seem happy to this day after he married against their will. They try to treat me badly. My husbands parents dont have a relationship with my parents, only his dad does at a basic level. My parents are not happy with this and feel upset by this odd behaviour. The reason for no relationship is unknown but i think its because my mother in law feels insecure around my mother. my mother in laws family dont invite my parents to family events and they get very upset and irritated by this and this bounces off on us as a couple. this is ongoing for years now and ive had enough, im confused what to do. my mother in law does not treat me badly directly although did at the start but is manipulative behind my back and does talk about me to others, mainly bad. ive got a 9 month old baby and she rarely visits even though she lives nearby. i need help on what to do here as its causing us stress and misery. i feel like my mother in law and her family have no respect for me and my family and do as they wish. its unfair. my husband rarely sticks up for my parents and tends to go on to his families side. he only stood by my side when he chose to marry me over his mother. i also have an unstable relationship with my own parents and siblings, its literally a broken down family. the family ive married into are judgmental, gossip and disrespectful to me from the very beginning when i entered as a newly married woman. its been tough and i try to avoid seeing them or attending events but it makes me unhappy. any confrontation ends in a disaster and i feel i cant relay my feelings clearly. sometimes i wish, i never married him and chose a different path where i could of been happier. things are difficult and his mother makes situations harder if we ever come across any, she does stay out of our relationship and lets us get on with things but ive never had the guts to confront her on these issues and if i do, she will just ignore me completely as she has in the past. she has made things difficult from the start and is going to continue to do so until the end. what do i do?

    #225049

    anita
    Participant

    Dear patelh:

    Can you and your husband and child move for away from his family? If your husband will cooperate with such a move, that will be a very good idea. Far, far away.

    Your husband chose to marry you against his mother’s/family’s wishes. He should be consistent with his original choice and choose you and his child over his parents/ family of origin. I suppose you had discussion with him on the matter. How did he respond/ what did he say? Did he offer any solutions?

    anita

    #225061

    Prash
    Participant

    Dear patelh,

    With a 9 month baby taking up predominantly most of your attention and presumably most of your sleep time, I would suggest now is not the time to take any major decisions. Your issues seem to be of a long standing nature and require your full attention before you can take any major step.

    Take things slowly one day at a time.

    Take care

    #226141

    patelh
    Participant

    My husband is agreeable to the idea of moving away, not very far but just outside of London as I have a job in the city – he usually agrees to the idea when things are tough and family conflict has taken place which happens once or twice a year. Then the next day he wants to move house in the same area we are in, so the decision is not there but we are planning to move house at some point. My own mother meddles in our marriage and causes conflict so moving away is the best solution, i dont see any other. both our sets of parents live 15 minutes from us and its been hard and both are difficult to get on with. with a baby in mind, im ready to take the step to move away and start new. my husbands only loss is seeing his close friends nearby and for me, i do not have many local to me so this can work, i dont see any other way. as long as we move just outside of london and can get into london via train then i dont see the problem.

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