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Unstable relationship

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  • #128467
    Enigma
    Participant

    Hi, hope someone would be able to give me sound advice on my predicament.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months. The first year of the relationship was steady until we had our first serious argument over religious differences. We worked through it and got back together after a month apart. Things went well until our second breakup and fast forward, we broke up again for the third time on valentines day because of financial issues. Basically what happened was, his car was due for service on the 13th and he didn’t have the money. I suggested he take a short-term loan, which I would pay off but he insisted I borrow the money from a male friend (whom I recently discovered to be going around town telling people we had something going on, on the side). I assertively told him I would not borrow money from this friend and somehow the conversation escalated into an argument where I pointed out that I had been taking care of him, more, financially than he ever did me because he is bad with managing his finances. He felt disrespected and ended the relationship.

    I was heart broken not only because when we reconciled, he vowed to stop impulsively breaking things off, but also because it was freaking valentines day! He had gotten me a promise ring on the 1st of January this year, and we were planning our engagement. I kinda gave him a very drastic ultimatum 5 days ago, that I would end my life if he did not show up to meet me to talk about what had happened. I wasn’t serious and it backfired badly… It was immature of me but I needed to be sure of where things stood long-term wise. He thinks I am emotionally unstable because of the threat I made. I have felt really guilty since.

    A part of me thinks I should let go and move on but my heart holds on to the promises and memories. Should I try to reconcile things or just let it go, all things considered?

    #128517
    anita
    Participant

    Dear chiclyme:

    I concur with the part of you that thinks you should let go and move on.

    Your heart, you wrote, is holding on to “the promises and memories”-

    But if the maker of the promises is not holding on to his made promises, those promises are shattered, even if your heart keeps holding on to them. And your memories- remember everything, not just the feel-good times, and you will feel better about moving on.

    * Regarding your suicide threat, well, it was the wrong move, but don’t let it stop you for doing the RIGHT thing, which is still, to keep this relationship where it belongs, in the past.

    anita

    #128933
    Enigma
    Participant

    I think it is best the relationship ends. It is just not the easy or comfortable option.

    Thank you for confirming what my heart knows.

    #129077
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, chiclyme.
    anita

    #129127
    XenopusTex
    Participant

    parasite- something that survives based on taking things from its host. Also known as the bipedal male organism you seemed to have been dating.

    Most of us have all probably been in periods of economic pain. However, it seems like this particular parasite decided that you would be a good meal ticket and he wouldn’t have to worry about his own affairs. Parasites are to be removed when and where possible.

    Suicide threats are a seriously bad idea. I can tell you from my line of work, that such comments can have drastic and long-term consequences far beyond whatever problem was supposedly occurring at the time. Depending on how they are taken, you can wind up with multiple members of law enforcement showing up at your location with a court order directing them to take you into protective custody and transfer you to the nearest psychiatric ward for evaluation and observation, or in the alternative, to hold you in jail for 24 hours until a bed opens up. A few days of being in the psych ward later, you get into court where the decision is made if you are threat to yourself or others. Such a process can have lasting effects on the ability to purchase firearms and/or ammunition, among other things.

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