Figured I’d give this forum a try.

I am horrible at relationships. To be honest, I’ve never had anything serious. Everything that ever came close to a relationship ended because we weren’t good matches (some in very aggressive confrontations). I have this idea of what an ideal partner would be like. I do know that its worth the wait for someone who completely get you. However, there are days when I think, maybe I should have compromised more, and maybe things would be a lot different today.

One thing I do not regret is being fearless in my wants and needs. When I like someone and think its a good fit on my end, I DO pursue it. Because I don’t want fear and emotions to hold back what could potential be something great. However, my impatience comes off too strong and needy. I’ve lost many relationships (romantic and platonic) because of this behaviour.

I decided to try online dating just to give it a whirl. I was way too sensitive for casual dating.

I ended up falling head over heals for a guy, who, as time wore on was not ready for a relationship. He told me from the start that he wanted to take it slow. He’s now asking for space and time and I know that I should respect him. He doesn’t know for how long. The lack of control is slightly hurtful because I feel like he will walk away and we will never talk again. Theres no fixing it, and I know I just have to wait for things to unravel. I’m also starting to wonder if we’re a right fit again. My ideal partner would communicate his feelings, but then…. I’ve never care so much for someone and I’m willing to fight for this person.

In the meantime, I am focusing on my own insecurities and personal growth. But… how do I tackle this feeling of impatience and loss of control. I need to learn how to respect other’s decisions, but somehow I always end up crossing boundaries. I wish people were just more straight forward and communicate their wants and needs. I have this growing fear that I will be alone for the rest of my life because I come off demanding and pushy. I need to change, but don’t know how.