Dear Maisy:

First, I am sorry for your loss of your cousin and close friend a year ago.

Second, when I read about your two friends not being supportive of you in regard to your losses, I thought that maybe, like most people, they have difficulties dealing with the topic of death and therefore, they avoid the topic. But then, I read your quotes of the comments your male friend made to you:  “What do you have to be sad for? You have a boyfriend to actually love you. You have a house and we don’t. You make more money than us”, etc., and thought to myself: wow! That’s very self-centered and insensitive.

And then, when I read what you shared about your female friend: “The other friend is more self-centered“- I thought to myself: MORE self-centered? That has to be a lot of self-centeredness.

“I’m lucky to have my therapist, boyfriend, and family, but I could also really use my friends. I’m not sure what this post is supposed to accomplish. I don’t even think I’m looking for advice here. I just needed to get it off my chest because it bothers me sometimes “- I am glad that you do have supportive people in your life and I hope that you meet new friends who are not as self-centered as the two you vented about. And, you are welcome to vent and get things off your chest anytime, here on your thread

“and I guess I was hoping someone else can relate so we can talk about it here“- yes, I do relate to self-centered behavior: my own, in some respects, and other people’s. I want to take care of myself and be assertive when I need to be, and I want to be fair and kind to other people, both.

anita

Hi everyone, I have a similar issue and don’t know what to do. People simply disappear from my life, without any apparent reason. I travel a lot, so I never stay long at one place, but I check on everybody, ask how they are, what’s going on in there lifes. I am genuinely interested in them and want to maintain the contact. Often it takes weeks until I get an answer. Last time I asked a very old friend who hadn’t written for a year -in spite of the fact that I lost my partner in a sudden accident and I was alone in abroad in COVID lockdown – and answered my messages with long delays, if he was ok. He said yes, he just doesn’t have anything to say, he works and it’s winter and I travel. nothing to say, nothing to ask about my life either. but it doesn’t mean that we cut ties. I am so confused and shocked because it has been happening for years.even very close friends stopped writing back without any explanation.i was asking them what went wrong, did I say or do something but no answer.i’ve been also experiencing lately that people promise things and don’t follow up on their promises.for me it’s an absolute non respect and I have difficulties to understand why they say something if they cannot do it.so I am just wondering what I am doing wrong, why people cannot connect, why they never ask how I am doing. What can I do? I really appreciate them and for me the physical distance doesn’t mean that I cannot connect with them. It’s so easy with Skype, mail etc. But more tools we have, people seem to communicate less…?? Thanks for your thoughts about it or your advice on how to treat this painful situation.

Thanks for your prompt answer, Anita. I have just posted my question again in All forums.