Dear Tiny Buddhists,

I went through a life changing break up with my ex late last spring.
I found out something I didn’t like at all about him at a party while I was pretty drunk and he was there too after we decided to take a break because we were both going through a lot, which was double devastating for me already.
So in all my pain and rage about what I found out he had done to himself I hit him in the back and kicked him in the leg before breaking down and fleeing out of the house to go kill myself for realizing I was the monster.(My friends stopped me from jumping under a car)
He luckily forgave me after a long talk the next day, but there was no way we were going to get back together at all. This was the definitive break. It took me a long time and a lot of therapy to get over what I had done and get over him, but I also found more of the real me along the way.
But eventually now I realize he’s not the one for me and his crazy lifestyle choice is just something I can’t deal with. That’s what made me move on with a peaceful mind. Now I want to be friends again, and we have chatted again and seem to be doing ok as friends. But all of a sudden he’s now ignoring my messages. We are very much alike, except for that one crazy thing I can’t deal with at all. We both are people who deal with mental issues and have the same taste in music, we both are in the same business and we both love to hang with our friends.
Now I’m afraid that he somehow thinks that I want to get back together with him because I have been messaging him and he’s not responding.
And I would want to get back together if it weren’t for that thing that I know he likes to do but I totally don’t agree with.
I just want us to be friends, because he’s great to talk to. We have great conversations about everything from politics to people to our profession and everything. How can I make him just see that I want him to be my good friend, which I really need? I’m also afraid that he might just be afraid to get close again, that he might fall in love again… What can I do? I’m such an over-thinker!

Sorry for this long rant. I could just really use some help.