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Wanting to reach out to someone, but afraid?

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This topic contains 5 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  anita 2 weeks, 1 day ago.

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  • #239937

    lukamoe
    Participant

    But I am feeling afraid that they won’t respond in the way I am hoping, that I won’t recieve the comfort or affection that I’m seeking, that they won’t really care or even dismiss me. It’s nothing super serious, but I’ve been feeling really lonely lately, and just things I want to get out to someone I really love and trust. I’ve never reached out to someone like this, not once, ever, so it seems like something big and scary to me. I’m not sure what to do.

    I feel so pushed to do it. Lately, I am surrounded by people who drain me, I leave it feeling so sad, and lonely, I come home and cry so often now.. and I really want to tell another friend how I’m feeling and stuff, and of the situation, but I’m feeling scared about it. I don’t want to be a burden, and I feel like I will be somewhat of a burden. Whether this is fear talking or not I can’t help but feel like its like?? somewhat truee..??? But I’ll never know until I try right? This person is dear to me but I just don’t know how you approach these kind of things, and I feel embarassed and awkward honestly, just the thought of it would make me feel weird. There isnt really an appropriate time to talk about it in real life right now, so it’d be over text, but that’d be better than nothing, but it’d be kinda harder to get things across and I’d feel more awkward, but I’m still nervous. I feel like I’m going to be made fun off, even though on a concious level, I know that’s just irrational.

    Should I take the risk..? I am feeling scared and worried about it. But it could offer me some relief too. but I just dont know. I kind of wish people could read my mind lol, that someone would approach me first, and ask me if I’m okay, pick up on how I’m feeling lately…. but I know that isn’t possible aha, but it’d be nice…. 😛 And besides, its a good ‘skill’, I guess to be able to reach out for help like this. But I’m feeling scared about it as I described… How do you even bring that up in a conversation?

    Since I can’t tell them in real life, I’d be worried they’d be doing something fun, maybe with other people, and they just get a text from me like that, and, y’know. I mean, if I asked, if they have time to talk about things/if they’re busy, that probably wouldnt be an issue but I’m also kind of afraid that they would let me say everything, and they would be with people, and tell/show them what I’m saying. I know its pretty irrational, it’s not like I really have a valid reason to think that’d happy, I am being silly aha 😛 But still.. It’d just be such a nice relief and clarity to get it out. This person, even just talking to them a little really lifts me up, I love their presence.

     

    Lots of rambling!! It is my first time here, I just made my account for this, aha 🙂 Sorry for the rambling, I know so much of that was just sorting out my own thoughts, and I kind of answered my own question- that I should go for it, but still. If anyone has any advice or just thoughts or personal experience with facing this kind of fear, I would appreciate it so much, thank you so much if you’ve read all this 🙂

    #239997

    Kkasxo
    Participant

    Hi Lukamoe,

    I didn’t want to read and run.

    I can hand on heart tell you that reaching out to someone you trust in times of hardship can be life saving. I too often feel like a burden, or I don’t want to worry anyone or for them to see me as ‘weak’ but having gone through a traumatic event only a few months ago I realised the importance of people in your life.

    One of my closest friends has been through everything with me and if I am honest I kind of owe my life to her. I’m ashamed to admit that I sunk so low at one point that I did consider the ‘ultimate escape’. If it weren’t for her I truly believe I wouldn’t be here today.

    Please do not feel ashamed or as though you are a burden. You are not. Your family and friends love and care for your well being. Imagine it was one of your closest friends writing this post.. what would you say to him/her? You’d more than likely say ‘stop being silly! I am ALWAYS here for you! Please turn to me when you are feeling low! Let me be there for you!’ You need to take your own advice.

    Not everyone needs to know how you are feeling. But it is helpful to turn to a relative or friend and offload everything you may be feeling. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the relief you feel and just how much care and affection another human being can show you.

    If you are worried about approaching the conversation at the wrong time, why not reach out and say ‘Hey, I really wanted to speak to you about something, I feel like I need a friend. Can you let me know when would be a good time for you?’ That’ll eliminate any distractions etc.

    I hope you feel better soon and wishing you all the best!

    #240009

    anita
    Participant

    Dear lukamoe:

    It is my understanding that you don’t have an established friendship with the person you want  to reach out to, that it is someone fairly new in your life and that the  only way for you to contact him or her is through text, am I correct?

    If I am, then what I would  do is send a text like this: How are you? I feel lonely, wish I had someone  to talk to who will actually listen to me. Do you know what  I mean?

    That’s it. It doesn’t reveal too much about you, so less fear about you sharing information that will be misused, making fun of you (a concern you mentioned). And if he feels the same  way, that no one really listens to him, your message  will click with him and he  will respond.

    Of course, there is the realistic chance that he  will not respond at all, or that he will take a long time before responding, or that his response will say nothing that will communicate to  you that he noticed at all that you wrote that you feel lonely and not listened to, and you have to be prepared for  these possibilities.

    anita

    #265811

    lukamoe
    Participant

    Thank you for replying!:) This is actually a very good friend, I see them everyday at school, but we aren’t in the same year so we don’t share any classes, and we are in totally different friendship groups – I could explain our whole friendship dynamic here if I really needed to, but that’d take super long 😛 And because of this, even though we do get to talk sometimes in school, its always around others – namely others/’friends’ that have made me feel this kind of loneliness and its just awkward to say in that kind of setting anyway.

    #266163

    lukamoe
    Participant

    @Kkasaxo

    (Im still new to the forums here, so I’m not sure how replying and the quoting stuff works 100% yet? Sorry for the awkwardness!! :P)

    And thank you so much<3 Your words are really so much help, and just reading them makes me feel so much better, thank you so much, I really appreciate it:) <3 I think, what you said, about asking to let me know when is a good time to the friend is really helpful, thank you, I think I will do that 🙂

    I think, just thinking about it gives me a bit of anxiety. But I will get to it eventually. Thank you <3

    #266239

    anita
    Participant

    Dear lukamoe:

    Sometimes when you reach out to someone, be it a family member, a friend, a stranger, he or she will reject you. It happened already in your life  I bet, this is why you area afraid to reach out to this guy. If there was no rejection in your life so far, if all the people you reached out to responded positively to you, you wouldn’t be afraid now. It  is true to everyone. Everyone is rejected sometimes, and it hurts. This is why we fear rejection, we don’t want more hurt, more pain.

    And  so, in reaching out there  is a  risk. Best you can do is reach out in such a way that maximizes your chances of a positive response and minimize your potential pain if rejected. Plan on how to reach out to him so to increase  the chances that he  will respond positively to you knowing there can be  no guarantee that he will,  and plan it so to minimize your pain if rejected. One way to do the latter is to make your attempt simple, not elaborated, not sharing too much, just a  bit. Then wait. If he  rejected  you or made fun of you (a fear you mentioned), then he will not have a lot of  information  about you to use.

    Does this make sense to you?

    anita

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