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What can we offer to the world?

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  • #332275
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    The question is simple as that. Still, it’s not that simple.

    I’ve been thinking about this for a while. How can we help others? How can you help this world with your finite strength? Well, there are further breakdowns of this question/thought. Like what kind of people do you want to help: poor, if poor then homeless by shelter, or starving by food, or provide emotional support, or solve financial crisis e.t.c. But that just makes it welfare work.

    Well, welfare is also helping. But I think offering something to the world is not any different as helping, yet not exactly the same. It must have something. Something more effort taking, and something that has more to present. What if there’s something more than just services or products for those in need. Something like giving away yourself, instead of services or Products, to this world. I know, at this point it becomes another philosophical paradox.

    But, I’m wondering what if someone has a simpler answer to my question. What do you all think about this?

    If not anything related to the stupid thought of mine, does anyone want to share their ideas about how we can help others in any way?

    #332319
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    “how we can help others in any way?”-

    -you are a teenager who started a few threads in the forums. Maybe you can help other teenagers who post threads here, by replying to them. After  you reply to the original poster, wait and see if he/she answers you, and if you do get a reply, post again.

    Reply with empathy, and not when you are angry. Reply with kindness, showing that you “heard” the person, and that you experienced something similar (if you did).

    This way, you will make a misunderstood and lonely young person feel understood and less alone- a whole lot of help in doing achieving this, isn’t it?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 1 week ago by anita.
    #332417
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    anita,

    This is a great idea. I would love to help someone to help be understood and feel less lonely in all this. Maybe this is the best place to get started from. I will start from once a week maybe?

    Thank you for always replying, and for your time

    Bless you

    #332555
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javaira:

    You are welcome. I think that once a week is fine, see how it feels for you. Don’t try to post perfect replies. Also, f you noticed, lots of members who start threads don’t come back to their threads, no matter how good the replies they received, so don’t take it personally if a member does not acknowledges your reply, best you can.

    Try this and see how it goes. Post about it here anytime, and I’ll be glad to reply further to you.

    anita

    #332631
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Thank you, anita. I will

    Thank you for the advice!

    #332681
    anita
    Participant

    You are welcome, Javaira. I was glad to read your reply on another thread yesterday!

    anita

    #339912
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi anita,

    it’s me again. I just read some recent topics. Tried to create replies, but failed miserably. Even erased one reply before hitting submit.

    I’ve been dealing with stress, and financial stress especially. It keeps playing on the back of my mind without even me knowing. Today even the normal school tasks are seeming like huge mountains that I’ll not be able to climb. Or something too big to digest. I have tests tomorrow, but I’m feeling so jittery and nervous about every little thing. It’s the feeling of feeling unsafe that makes me nervous about doing little things. That if I don’t do well, I’ll fall down somewhere without a safety net beneath. I’ve never felt that I had a safety net for me. Not comparing my blessings with others. Just felt so unsafe all the times. My parents were so busy fighting, they stopped asking how my grades were, how my school went. I honestly wished they would keep track of my bad things, and my achievements likewise. But they stopped doing it when things got serious. It was always me pushing myself to get good grades, do well in competitions, and so on. It was always me scolding myself for bad scores, but since I deal with self hatred too- never praising myself for achievements. It makes me so nervous that one wrong step on this lonely path makes me fall down somewhere with no one to watch out for me, care for me. Since no one would ever care if I do bad or good, it makes me feel so empty. I don’t need meaningless fulfillment of praise from others of how well I’m doing or anything. I just want to feel safe and cared for. I might be wrongly outweighing my blessings with this sentence. Sorry I feel this way. It just makes me feel so neglected. Every friend I’ve known said their parents care a lot about their grades, activities and things like that. They say it gets annoying some times too. That’s why I feel like I’m being ungrateful despite having a lot of freedom and getting to learn to always take responsibility of my actions. I didn’t let myself involve into addictions, and any other activities that might harm my future in a serious way. These experiences gave me so valuable insights. But I’ve felt that I’ve gotten a bit empty/ hollow inside when i should be grateful for these moments of growth.

    Woah. Sorry for giving you too much of a rant to read through. Don’t worry, I’ll be fine, it’s just financial stress that is making me jittery. I’ll be fine I’m hoping for that.

    I never really asked: how are you doing, anita? Is there something stressing you? What helps you calm down?

    Regards,

    Javairia

    #339914
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    p.s. i’ll hopefully start replying to threads again in a week or so!

    #339962
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    I wouldn’t worry at all about replying to threads, if I was you. It was a suggestion I made that may have been right for that time, when I made it, but it is not right for this time. You are distressed, you have things to do, tests- it is a bad idea for you to add to your plate yet another task, another source of distress.

    “I just want to feel safe and cared for”- it is such a wonderful feeling when that happens, for a child, being cared for and feeling safe.

    “Sorry I feel this way”- no apologies for how you feel are required. It is not that you choose to not feel safe and cared for (no one would choose such a thing). You feel this way because in real life you are not cared for and you have not been made to feel safe by your parents. Nothing for you to  apologize for, and everything for your parents to apologize for.

    A child/ teenager needs a parent who cares and gives them reasonable freedom, not one or the other.

    You asked me if there is something that is stressing me. Well, this morning I spilled a cocoa drink on important papers, that distressed me. Yesterday as I heard the not good news about the Coronavirus expanding problem- that distressed me. There were other things too.

    “What helps you calm down?”- my 3.5 mile daily walk outside,  in the fresh cold air. That’s my #1 method of calming down, I highly recommend it. Keeping a daily routine is also helpful, so you learn to rely on yourself for accomplishing certain tasks every day no matter how you feel. Everyone needs some entertainment, such as music, comedy shows, and some socialization from time to time.

    I wonder what financial stress you are experiencing, being a teenager (?)

    anita

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 3 weeks ago by anita.
    #340274
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Anita,

    The financial stress I mentioned: since we children are living at mum’s house, someone has to call dad every month (more than once of course) to address financial issues. Since my mum is unemployed, it is very necessary, but no one does the calling part. So they have given me this responsibility to do that part. When I was really young, my middle brother used to do that, but he stopped and I’ve been doing it for who knows 7 or 8 years. Last year, after so many things went rough, that “task” started to feel like a trivial duty. I had started to hate the fact that I have to call him just for “money matters”, there has not been a parent-child thing between him and me- it is apparent. Because, we never see each other. The only way of communication is a mere phone call to address financial matters. It’s so awkward that if he’d ask how my day went, I’d probably think I’ve dialed the wrong person. It is obvious, why our relationship is this way. But anyway, that financial part started giving me so much stress. Since last year, that part of every month seemed like someone had put the weight of world on my back and my back will break. It became so hard to hit one call. It became so hard, I couldn’t stop thinking about the pending financial needs/matters. I kept worrying myself to death until each and every matter was cleared financially. And of course, money-related businesses never stop, they revolve around every month, every week, everyday. So it was an intense pressure for me. I somehow talked myself down to not over think this responsibility, but somehow I still do. And since last month, these needs have been piled up and I’ve been caving back into those walls again. And it makes me so nervous. I tried so much last year and told my mum that I can’t do this anymore and it makes me stressed out, but she didn’t stop. She replies with “Then you all can starve. Where’s my fault in this. What can we do?”. I cried and had many mental breakdowns and in front of them and asked them if any of my siblings can take this responsibility, if someone can share the burden, but they don’t react. So I know it’s pretty fruitless to ask for a break, God knows I tried last year almost every month. My school has a lot of expenses at the moment, because my uni applications require a lot of activities and stuff as you might know. And the following summer will be even more requiring in that matter since my uni applications will be in process. I’m just so stressed out. I just wanted to enjoy this part of life like any normal teenager, but I feel over worried and unsafe.

    I’m sorry once again for a long rant.

    Oh! I hope your documents have been recovered and are fine to go. Yes corona virus is a distressing news. Just a day ago, two of the people in our country have been diagnosed with it as well, unfortunately.

    Walk indeed is a near to perfect solution. I absolutely love walks. I like your other suggestions too! Bless you and stay safe

    -Javairia

    #340276
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    (By the way, I agree, maybe I shouldn’t worry about replying for now)

    #340302
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javaira:

    Definitely you shouldn’t worry about replying to members’ threads. Yes, I remember that you shared before how much those calls to your father stress you out. What a shame that this job was dropped on you; that your mother is unable or unwilling to do this task. I can see how difficult of a task it is- this is why no one wants to do it, not your mother and not your siblings.

    I am wondering (and I don’t remember if we discussed this, and it may be impractical and unrealistic), that maybe you can have a friendly talk with your father and arrange to move to live with him or with someone on his side of his family, an uncle or aunt or grandparent, so that you will not have to make these financial calls anymore, no longer having this very unpleasant responsibility to arrange for the finances of your mother’s and siblings’. Is there such a possibility?

    anita

     

    #340448
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    anita,

    There’s no such possibility. My father won’t ever let us visit or stay with him at his house. And as for other members on their side of family, we’ve never been allowed to talk much with any of our grandparents or cousins or aunts/uncles. Both my parents’ relationships with their extended family have not been good, so I barely know anyone of them. I don’t connect to anyone inside of our family.

     

    #340512
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Javairia:

    Too bad. I wish it was different for you. Do you know how long your father will be financially supporting your mother/ his children?

    Child support (your father paying for his children) ends in many countries when a child turns 18. A parent has no legal responsibility to spend any money on a child 18 years and older.

    Spousal support (your father paying for his wife/ ex wife) – legally, in some countries, it may last lifetime, if the ex wife doesn’t work. Is there a legal/ other requirement that your father continues to pay for your mother’s expenses for the rest of her life?

    anita

    • This reply was modified 5 months, 2 weeks ago by anita.
    #340882
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Hi anita,

    Apologies for late reply

    My mum is not his ex wife, because they are not legally divorced. They just live like ones. So there’s no spousal support, because there’s no legal procedure between their matters. There’s no legal requirement for him to pay for us, it will only be there if we present a case through court about all this story. It will be a very strict requirement for him if they actually get divorced. Under pressure, I sometimes used to wish they were divorced. It’s a bad thing for a child to wish that for their parents, i’m sorry. Plus, there’s no specific child support procedure here, either. You might or might not know that in Asian cultures, mostly, the families are supposed to stay together(as in parents have to keep their children even after they’ve turned 18, and then children have to keep their parents too even after they get married and have kids). This is an unnecessary culture, in my view. But it is what it is.

    Still, thanks for your supportive words. Stay healthy

    -Javairia

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