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What has more of a meaning?

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  • August 5, 2013 at 2:43 pm #39766
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Hello, I’ve been thinking about love and the different levels of it. What kind of love has the most meaning? It is those relationships that last 40 years plus, the relationships that are short but a love like no other, or a love that is so deep, it lasts beyond this world? I mean you could be in a marriage for 40 years and not even know what love is. You could be in a toxic relationship and think it’s the love you need to survive. What constitutes the most meaningful love time or depth?

    August 5, 2013 at 3:52 pm #39771
    Matt
    Participant

    Linds,

    I think the highest form of love is compassion, which is the warm fragrance that arises as we see deeply into another, and have total acceptance for where they are in space/time. Fast whizbang passion is more about sexual chemistry, validation, obsession and sense pleasure… which can ripen into compassion, but often fades as the newness wears off.

    With warmth,
    Matt

    August 5, 2013 at 6:43 pm #39788
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    Linds,

    I think Matt is right. What popular culture teaches us about “love” has more to do with a kind of attachment, or addiction for validation. Rather than face one’s own fears about loneliness (which make us human) we cling to codependent relationships that shield us from harsh realities about what it is to be human under the guise of “love”. But yes, the manifestations of love that the Buddha teaches – compassion and loving-kindness are the true expressions of love and are often anathema to the modern, popular conception of “love.”

    -Jaydee

    August 5, 2013 at 9:00 pm #39803
    Sassypants
    Participant

    Thanks men! I am challenging the pop conception of love and “grabbing the bull by its’ horn” and facing loneliness. I expect a more resilient me on the opposite side of the spectrum once this passes in time…

    August 5, 2013 at 9:31 pm #39805
    Matt
    Participant

    http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1590304047

    True Love: A Practice for Opening the Heart.

    This book is pretty short, and I cried most of the way through it! If you’re looking for transcendent love, this is a great place to start. I think it wold resonate well with you. 🙂

    August 6, 2013 at 9:24 am #39842
    John
    Participant

    Speaking about popular culture and romance, since I’ve started down this new spiritual path, I’ve been listening to pop song lyrics in a whole new light and recognizing what a warped and unhealthy view of reality they perpetuate. So much attachment, addiction, clinging, obsession! I can’t believe I didn’t recognize it before.

    “Forever, and ever, you’ll stay in my heart / and I will love you / Forever, and ever, we never will part / Oh, how I love you / Together, forever, that’s how it must be
    To live without you / Would only mean heartbreak for me.” – Aretha Franklin

    “You’re nobody ’til somebody loves you / You’re nobody ’til somebody cares.” – Dean Martin

    “Every breath you take / Every move you make / Every bond you break / Every step you take / I’ll be watching you.” – The Police

    “What you got, boy, is hard to find I think about it all the time I’m all strung out, my heart is fried I just can’t get you off my mind” – Kesha

    “Say nighty-night and kiss me; / Just hold me tight and tell me you’ll miss me. / While I’m alone, blue as can be, / Dream a little dream of me.” – Mamas and Papas

    Hahaha! It’s amazing how twisted this all is. 🙂

    I still love the music and it’s fun to listen to, but it no longer stirs up those unhealthy longings.

    I too have been down the black hole of “What makes the perfect relationship?”, “What kind of love has the most meaning?”, “What is the ideal?”

    Why can’t it just be ordinary, simple, middle of the road? Why can’t it last a day, a lifetime, or anything in between? I think we’d experience so much less churn if we didn’t search for perfection and just accepted what life offers at any given moment.

    It reminds me of Miyamoto Musashi’s 11th precept: “In all things, have no preferences.”

    On a day to day basis, that’s probably easier said than done, but if we spend less time holding ourselves and others to an external vision or standard, we’ll find a lot more peace and serenity.

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