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what he means

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 76 total)
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  • February 4, 2021 at 3:24 pm #374050
    Sarasa
    Participant

    I am new to this forum.

    So there is this guy who I am really close with. He shares everything with me and is always nice to me and I do the same in return. But he recently ask why am I so nice to him and what did he do to deserve it. Any thoughts why he question that?

     

    February 4, 2021 at 3:54 pm #374071
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    Maybe he feels hat he does not deserve a nice treatment, that he is not worthy of it. Maybe he was treated badly by his parents/ family and that is why he doesn’t feel that he deserved to be treated well. Do you think this might be the case?

    anita

     

    February 4, 2021 at 5:12 pm #374082
    Sarasa
    Participant

    I’m not too sure. He also asked if I treat others like how I treat him. Am I being friendzone here?

    February 4, 2021 at 5:36 pm #374083
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    “He shares everything with me and is always nice to me.. he recently asked why I am so nice to him and what did he do to deserve it.. He also asked if I treat others like how I treat him. Am I being friendzoned here?”-

    – what you provided is very limited information. Seems to me that you are interested in a romantic relationship with him, and you are worried that he is not interested and that he recently friendzoned you.

    From his questions, reads to me that he may be that he is interested in a romantic relationship with you, wanting to hear that you do not treat others like you treat him, that he is really special for you, and from there he may suggest a relationship.

    And again, he may feel unworthy of being treated like a special person and he wants to find out if you treat him as special, different than you treat other people.

    How did you answer his questions and did he respond to your answers?

    anita

    February 5, 2021 at 6:01 am #374090
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. I told him that I don’t treat others like how I am towards him. I also asked if he is nice to others as well like how he is with me and he says no.

    I just found it strange why he would ask me that question suddenly.

    February 5, 2021 at 6:47 am #374092
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    You are welcome. Reads to me that it is more likely that he is interested in a relationship with you,  than that he is friendzoning you. I wonder what will happen next…

    anita

    February 5, 2021 at 9:15 am #374095
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Thank you Anita. I will let you know what happens next.

    February 5, 2021 at 9:28 am #374096
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Sarasa. I am looking forward to read from you about what happens next. I hope what happens next is something good for you and for him.

    anita

    March 7, 2021 at 10:54 am #375732
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    How are you? And what happened next, if I may ask?

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 8:13 am #375751
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Thank you for checking in with me. I was about to update you too. Nothing happened between us. I learned that he is super emotionally attached to me, but I don’t think there’s anything more to it. I don’t understand him. Sometimes he shows some signs that he likes me. I learned he is talking to a girl last week. He said he is going to be friends with her for now and see where his future takes him.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 8:45 am #375754
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    You are welcome, good to read back from you.

    “I don’t understand him”, you wrote. Maybe he is very shy and is very afraid of rejection, so he needs to make sure a woman will not reject him if he approach her for a romantic relationship, and only when he feels sure that she will not reject him- then he feels comfortable enough to suggest a romantic relationship.

    When he asked you if you treat others like you treat him- that could have been his way of (indirectly) asking you: are you interested in me romantically?

    Regarding the new girl, “He said he is going to be friends with her for now and see where his future takes him”- his strategy with her may be what his strategy with you has been all along: be friends for now, and see where the future takes him. Maybe with the new girl, he will also look to make sure that she will not reject him before he suggests a romantic relationship with her.

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 9:01 am #375756
    Sarasa
    Participant

    It was through mutual friends that they met. They both knew it was a setup. So, I have a strong feeling it might work out for them maybe. He did share with me what he and the girl chatted. They have been talking a lot and getting to know each other. So I don’t know, Anita. He is still very emotionally attached to me. He doesn’t say it but his actions does.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 9:08 am #375758
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    He is somewhat of a mystery, isn’t he. “He doesn’t say it but his actions does”- actions are more important than words, of course. Often actions are all that matters.

    But it would be nice if a person talked as well, explaining what they want and feel about this and that, be transparent: less of a mystery and more of an open book.

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 9:17 am #375759
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yea, I agree. He is somewhat a mystery. When I asked if he is going to try working things out with the new girl, he said let’s see where the chat takes him and if it does, it does. I don’t know. His words tell me something else vs his actions. I guess I will never know what his true intentions are.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 9:28 am #375760
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    “His words tell me something else vs his actions. I guess I will never know what his true intentions are”- you can ask him simple questions, clearly and directly. You don’t have to accept his vague statements and answers and keep guessing as to what he means by what he says: you can ask him clarifying questions.

    If you ask him clarifying questions, clearly and directly, he may answer or not. If he prefers to be vague, he will probably feel very uncomfortable if confronted with clarifying questions and may choose to not talk to you at all. So, I understand why you may be unwilling to ask him such questions.

    anita

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