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what he means

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 76 total)
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  • March 8, 2021 at 9:34 am #375761
    Sarasa
    Participant

     

    But don’t you think I should just move on? If he wants to stay mystery, I will let him. What do you think? I think it is no point talking to him if he is already thinking about working things out with the other girl?

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 9:41 am #375763
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    Oh, yes, it is definitely better that you move on. My suggestion of asking him clarifying questions would apply only if you had no intentions to move on at this time.

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 9:50 am #375764
    Sarasa
    Participant

    To be honest Anita. I am sort of attached to him now because of his actions, but I am telling myself to move on and stop talking to him. If he is interested, he would have brought it up and not look at other girls.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 9:57 am #375765
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    It is better that you move on because you’ve been interested in him romantically and he is currently talking to another girl, considering a romantic relationship with her!

    Because you feel attached to him, it will be difficult to move on. If you find it too difficult, and if you keep telling yourself that maybe he is interested in you romantically- then it is better that you ask him clarifying questions, simple and direct questions, so that you will have the information you need to figure out what’s best for you to do next.

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 10:05 am #375766
    Sarasa
    Participant

    I agree. I am already finding it hard to move on. Thank you for your help. Life is hard sometimes. People are mystery and never trust anyone fully.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 10:07 am #375767
    Sarasa
    Participant

    I want to see his reaction when I pull myself away. I want to see what he will say as I know he is emotionally attached to me. I want him to realize what he did. Would that be okay?

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 10:26 am #375769
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    You are welcome. You asked if I think that it would be okay for you pull away from him so (1) to see how he will react, (2) to make him realize that he hurt you, and to hurt him back:

    I don’t think it will be wise to do pull away for the first purpose because you would be pulling away from him as a test, not because you really intend to pull away from him. His reaction (or lack of) may confuse you further and so, the test results can be inaccurate, and make you feel even worse.

    Better you pull away from him because you really intend to do so, not as a test.

    Regarding the second purpose- it is understandable that having been hurt by him, you want him to realize that he hurt you, and you want to hurt back. If you pull away from him because you think it is the right thing to do for your sake, then you should do it. If he gets hurt as a result, that’s okay: it is okay for him to suffer a reasonable consequence of his words and his actions. He told you that he is interested in another girl, then it is okay for him to feel sad when you pull away from him.

    anita

     

    March 8, 2021 at 10:52 am #375771
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    That is true.

    With regard to the second purpose – He knew I was sad because of the new girl he is talking to. He called a couple of times just to have a chat which I know he called to check if I am okay as I didn’t respond to his text well.

    Men are so strange sometimes right? I guess he is confused what he wants in his life.

    I know very well he won’t do great if I pull away.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 11:18 am #375772
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    “he is confused what he wants in his life”- if you ask him questions, as he tries to answer you- he may become more clear and less confused. Here are examples of questions you can aske him: when you think back about your life, what was your happiest time?…  was your saddest time? What scares you the  most? What makes you feel safe? What is your strongest desire in life, something you always wanted? Etc.

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 11:26 am #375773
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    He did mention a couple of times that he is unsure who he is and what he wants in his life more on his career. But I didn’t think that he would be looking at other girls while being emotionally attached to me. I was giving him his space and time to figure things out first and supported him.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 11:46 am #375779
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    He may be unsure about “what he wants in his life” in regard to relationships as well. Do you know anything about his relationships with his parents/ family members?

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 11:59 am #375782
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    He is close to his mother and okay with the siblings and father. He even shared one of his deepest doubts with me recently. I am like his only friend and person he is closed to in his life.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 12:06 pm #375783
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    If you are his only friend, and person he is closest to in his life- then I imagine he will feel comfortable answering your questions in regard to what you mean to him and what the other girl means to him, what he wants from you and what he wants from her.

    anita

    March 8, 2021 at 1:47 pm #375789
    Sarasa
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    Yes, you are right. He feels comfortable in front of me. I am the only one who he can count on. I’ve been through his ups and down. He was online all day today chatting with the new girl while talking to me at the same time. I didn’t mean to stalk him but I was curious.

    For my own inner peace and happiness, I think I will let him go. I’ve spent so much time on him. I guess we all make mistakes. It is an expensive mistake but I will take this as a learning experience. I’m hurt, but I am trying to put a smile on my face.

    Sarasa

    March 8, 2021 at 2:11 pm #375791
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Sarasa:

    I think that letting go of him is the the thing for you to do for your own sake. You are courageous for wanting to learn from the experience and move on. I am sorry that you are experiencing hurt. Please post again anytime you want to and I will read and reply to you every time.

    anita

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