You are welcome, Sarasa. Anytime you want to talk to me, I am here.

anita

Dear Sarasa:

One thing that can help you is to consider and invtestigae the possibility that the reason he was “online all day today chatting with the new girl while talking to (you) at the same time” is that he feels safer this way: if she rejects him, he still has you. In other words, his attachment to you may be about him needing a safety net: someone to be there if and when he is rejected by someone else.

If you are not ready to end the contact with him, then ask him questions, get the information you need to further evaluate your next move. You can ask him some of the questions I suggested, ex: what does he feel for/ wants from you, and what does he feel for/ wants from the other girl?

anita

Dear Sarasa:

You are welcome. I want you to get the answers you need. You deserve to have answers and he owes you these answers. He told you that “he doesn’t know his future”- therefore he can’t tell you his future. But he does know what thoughts go through his mind, and he can tell you what some of his thoughts are in regard to what you mean to him, what he wants from you, and what he wants from the other girl.

He does not have the right to use you and hurt you- it’s not a friendly thing to do; it is not any kind of love to use and hurt another person.

anita

Dear Sarasa:

You bring up another possibility and it reads reasonable. It makes sense that he used you as a therapist and a safety net. Thing is, you’ve been interested in a romantic relationship with him, serving him as a therapist and a safety net while hoping for more,  and he is actively chatting with another girl, open to the possibility of a romantic relationship with her.

I hope you ask him a few questions and find out if these possibility seem to be true and otherwise, if there are other motivations on his part, other explanations for his behavior.

anita

Dear Sarasa:

I think that he hid from you that he was chatting with another girl, being open to a possibility of a romantic relationship with her because he knew he was doing something wrong. When we feel that we are doing something wrong, we tend to want to hide it.

What is he doing wrong? He is hurting your feelings by keeping you waiting and hoping for a romantic relationship with him while he is pursuing another woman.

Could it be that he doesn’t want to lose you? Yes, it makes sense that he doesn’t want to lose you.

anita

Dear Sarasa:

You are welcome. Yes, you did the right thing. But because you are emotionally attached to him, you are likely to feel distressed over the separation from him and want to re-connect to him. Also, he may be selfish and reach out to you, wanting to keep you in his life while he pursues another woman for a romantic relationship.

Expect to have a difficult time following the farewell message you sent him, missing him, feeling conflicted, etc. Don’t be harsh on yourself if you change your mind and contact him or answer him when he contacts you.

If he reaches out to you, before you answer him, you can send me his message and I will let you know what I think his message means.

anita

Dear Sarasa:

You are welcome. I understand it feeling terrible, I know the feeling, and it is pretty bad. But if you can, think the following: it feels terrible, but realistically, your life situation is not terrible- it is the same as it was before the farewell message: you live in the same place, with the same people, having the same life practically as before.

The point in you ending contact with him is to stand up for you, for what you want/ don’t want in life: you don’t want to be a safety net for a man who is pursuing another woman!

anita