what is a good motivation?

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    the past 4 months i’ve been studying to finish my highschool, which i dropped out about 5 years ago.

    the reason why i dropped out was because i hated it, and i saw no purpose in it, recently i realised its important to finish it.

    the only thing, is that i don’t seems to care about it, for the past 4 months ive been forcing myself to study, for one hour each day, people said its not enough, and i agree with them.

    what people don’t know is that i don’t seems to care about finishing it, the reason why it became important is because it caused me a great pain and distress, the guilt and the shame just wouldn’t go away, and i realsied its necessary to do.

    guilt and pain is not the only motivation, because finishing highschool will make my life way easier and open new opportunities for me, a lot of opportunities was lost just because i didn’t finish, and alot of great things may come from finishing.

    so i have all the motivation in the world, i have pain and reward, yet when i studyed, i didn’t do a good job.

    i’ve never missed a day of the 4 months, because if there is one thing that i can control is to be discipline, and consistent, i however couldn’t control my mind, i couldn’t force it to foucs or care, how can i?

    most of the days i would get brain fog, the other time my mind would just wander, and my memory is so bad, its so painful just to memorize a line, phyiscally and mentally.

    in the past i thought i needed more motivation, and i tried to stress myself to just push myself even more,while it helped somedays, lately it hasn’t been working,

    whenever i want to not study, i just remind myself  “its necessary”, but when i do it, its like i have to endure it.

    i don’t want validation, or to tell me its not your fault, i just want the truth, i just want to understand what exactly is the probelm, you can tell me thats its my fault, so when i know its my fault i can work with it.

    thank you.




    Dear lorn:

    I read your original post very carefully, wanting to understand most accurately what you are experiencing and what kind of input you are asking for. As I read, I was able to relate to your experiences because I believe that I experienced something very similar. I will tell you about my experiences honestly and truthfully. When I use your words (at times with minor adjustments), I will boldface them. Maybe my sharing will be of some help to you.

    Growing up, including during my teenage years and later, I too felt great pain and distress and the guilt and the shame just wouldn’t go away, no matter what, except at rare occasions and during the long times I used to fantasize/ day dream about having a love relationship (which I did not have in real-life, not even close), and during other fantasies where I was a famous dancer, a movie star and such.

    I wanted to be a good student in school but I couldn’t force my brain to focus and my mind would just wander, and my memory was so bad. Memorizing a few lines was almost impossible, and I would get brain fog a whole lot of the time.

    No matter the rational thoughts that occurred in my brain, my shame, guilt and overall emotional distress took over and my life was so very difficult: academically and in every other aspect.

    Fast forward a few decades, and my memory is still poor but improved, I don’t day dream at all about love stories or being a famous dancer and such. I can focus better on what people say to me, but my attention to details is still poor in most respects. I believe that it’s the emotional distress that I suffered growing up, day in and day out, year after year, that harmed my cognitive abilities (my abilities to focus, to pay attention, to memorize, to remember). It’s a good thing though that at least partial healing and partial recovery has been possible for me years after I ended my exposure to the main emotional stressor (a person) in my life.

    I will stop here to ask you (only if you would like to answer, of course) if you relate to my experiences, and if you have thoughts that you would like to share in regard to what I shared so far.



    Hi Lorn

    It sounds like you might have learning anxiety. Do you have any thoughts that pop up while you study?

    I used to be a tutor and my advice is to study for less time. Even if it’s only 5 minutes, study for however long you feel comfortable. Do your best to make it a pleasant experience for yourself. Some people like music or snack. When you get upset, take a break and come back to it later.

    Some people don’t get on well with studying for 1 hour in a go. Studying for 30 minutes is usually more achievable. My own concentration tend to dive after 30 mins.

    You’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself. It’s time to take the pressure off. You don’t have to achieve this goal immediately. It takes as long as it takes and that’s okay. I have faith that you will get there in the end. Please be gentle with yourself.

    School isn’t everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay. I know plenty of amazing people that didn’t do well in the academic system. Yet they created wonderful lives for themselves. One gentleman is a plumber, an electrician and a construction worker. Another is a dog walker and a successful musician. Everyone has their own unique skillset. No one is good at everything.

    I’m curious about what your interests are and what you think you’re good at?

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