I’m currently 20, a guy attending an economics university. I have been great at almost all the things I do at life, I have the best grades, I’m an athlete, I have great true friends, a loving family, I’m outgoing, funny and at the same time many people tell me that I’m above the average intelligence of people of my same age. When I ask people, they always tell me that I’m good looking (which I still find a bit hard to believe), but for some reason above all of this I haven’t managed to make a serious relationship in my life.

What my mentality is in life is that if you want to achieve something, work for it, give everything you got, never give up, and you will achieve it. For some reason it’s not like this with the girls. I had 2 relationships yet, one lasting for 1,5 months the other for 3. Both leaving me with great sadness after they ended. Other than that I’m an optimist, people can never tell if I am sad. I dated a lot of people the past 2 years, non worked out which made my confidence smaller and smaller every day.

When I came to university I met this amazing girl, she was everything I could ask for, not like any I ever dated before. We were a match in everything, I asked her out and she wanted to remain a friends with me. This friendship haunted me for this whole year (She has a boyfrind for 6 months now which makes my hearth ache even more, because she truly loves this man). It was me not having the confidence for what I just did yesterday.

I told her that I want to meet her and have a talk. I explained to her that I can’t move on with her being my friend. I never saw her this sad. When I told farewell to her, trying desperatelly not to cry, she didn’t say anything, only: “Can I hug you for the last time?”. I let her and I started literally crying over her shoulder, I never cry when there are people there. I left without any words with tears in my eyes.

With all of these mixed emotions I drowned myslef in alcohol in the nearest pub, never have I done something like this. I got home crying, barely knowing myself. I belived I was a strong man, and here I was, crying not knwoing what will happen from now on.

Dear you, who are reading this. Why is it, that I’m doing great at every single part of my life, exept for relationships. Am I just simply not ready yet? Am I not able to form a bond with somebody? I dated so many people, trying to find the one love, and nothing works out. I’m so desperate, I never felt like such a whimp my whole life. Will this get better later on? Will I have a bigger chance when I’m older, when I will have a good paying job, a nice car, a suit? What am I doing wrong?