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What makes a person difficult to speak to

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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • December 23, 2016 at 7:08 pm #123413
    Learning
    Participant

    Sometimes I wonder if I’m a difficult person to speak to. I’m not intimidating but I find that sometimes I don’t know what the correct word is to use or I don’t know how to properly explain myself. My mil asked me if she was a difficult person to speak to and my response was it depends on how well you know a person. I said that becuase for me what I consider a difficult person is someone who is not opened minded or is quick to respond to something you said without letting you finish speak, being defensive or someone who is not a good listener. If you are meeting someone for the first time or is learning about someone who in just recently entered your life would you find them difficult to speak to at first if they had any of these traits. For me I would find it difficult at first but I would learn how to better communicate with them, what I should say or shouldn’t. Please share.

    December 23, 2016 at 8:12 pm #123419
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Learning:

    Your mil asked you if she is a difficult person to speak to. Can I answer? I never met her but I read about her. I know the answer! It is.. YES. But she probably didn’t ask with the intent to hear an honest answer, did she?

    anita

    December 24, 2016 at 7:42 am #123456
    Learning
    Participant

    Anita you never fail me with your advice, you always hit it right on the nail. Thank you. And you are thoughtful for remembering my previous post I appreciate that. Your are right her intent was not to hear an honest answer but to give her answer that she wanted to hear instead which was she was not difficult. I have to remind my self that everyone is entitled to their opinion, and i need to stop waiting for her acceptance I don’t need it. I accept myself and I love me that’s what’s important. Thanks Anita always nicely to hear from you.

    December 24, 2016 at 9:01 am #123466
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Learning:

    Thank you for your kind words and you are welcome. Do remember that your mil doesn’t accept anyone really, not for who they truly are. It is her way or the highway and you are no exception. Honesty and open communication is not an option with her, so it shouldn’t be “difficult to speak to” her (in the title of your thread) because you shouldn’t attempt to speak to her in an open, honest way.

    It doesn’t mean you should be dishonest with her, not at all; only that you shouldn’t volunteer the thoughts and feelings on your part that she can use against you. Being vulnerable, open with a person who has the my-way-or-the-highway policy is a bad idea.

    You can be honest here though, anytime. Your thoughts, your feelings are accepted and respected here, by me.

    anita

    December 24, 2016 at 10:19 am #123481
    Learning
    Participant

    Thanks again Anita. I always feel enlightened every time I read any responses on here. It truly means a lot. I guess it was my way of trying to connect with her because she said I was very guarded when she met me, and that she was unable to bond with me because I wasn’t an open person. So through out the years of knowing her I tried to be as open and honest as much as I could so she could see they reason why her son loves me. But it didn’t work instead all I got from her was I wish my son picked someone else. I am amazed Anita by how well you know my mil from what have shared and you never met her, you are great at reading people, have you ever considered working for the FBI, lol. Thank you again.

    December 24, 2016 at 10:34 am #123483
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Learning:

    No, didn’t consider working for the FBI (but if the FBI approaches me, I will consider…)

    When your mil told you that she was unable to bond with you because you were not an open person, you thought her motivation was to bond with you. Wrong: her motivation was to get information from you, to get material to use against you.

    Your motivation was to make her see why her son loves you, assuming she values her son’s feelings. I don’t think she does. She wants her son in her life, I have no doubt about that, but I don’t think she cares what he feels (other than maybe if he is hungry or physically sick).

    Nothing personal, this is who she is to everyone. She is not an honest person- keep that in mind next time she says something that appears honest, at first hearing. Possible, but very, very unlikely.

    Do post anytime, here or in a new thread.

    anita

    December 24, 2016 at 12:26 pm #123490
    Learning
    Participant

    I didn’t look at it that way as her wanting to use material against me. It has taken me a while to understand her personality and who she is, I try to see the good in her, I hoped she would do the same for me, but not everyone works that way I’m learning that. As for her son, she does want him in her life and also wants him to be more open, but he says she has a hard time accepting some of the things that he says, so he rather not share. Thanks again Anita.

    December 24, 2016 at 6:38 pm #123511
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear Learning:

    If her son (your partner) “rather not share” with his mother, you probably should also be selective about what you share with her.

    Sometimes I am more confident than I should be. I suggested she wanted to use material against you and that is why she wanted you to share with her, but I am not sure about it at the moment. If she used what you shared with her in the past against you, or if she uses information others shared with her, against them, that will be an indication that she is likely to do that again.

    anita

    December 24, 2016 at 6:42 pm #123512
    Learning
    Participant

    Ah I see. I do have to be more selective in what I share with her because it’s not really helping me connect with her. Thanks anita

    December 24, 2016 at 7:06 pm #123519
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Learning. Anytime. It is a pleasure communicating with you (I would have loved it if you were my daughter in law!)
    anita

    December 26, 2016 at 11:33 am #123619
    Learning
    Participant

    Thank you Anita for your kind words. I’m am really happy a special place like tiny Buddha exsist, a place I can come to when I need answers, and give me peace of mind. Therapy for the soul.

    December 26, 2016 at 12:29 pm #123622
    Anonymous
    Guest

    You are welcome, Learning. Always good to read from you!
    anita

    December 27, 2016 at 2:45 am #123664
    Mandy
    Participant

    Hello, you answered your MIL question indirectly because you tried to protect her feelings. The good approach would have been ‘sorry, yes, because I feel….. or no because I feel….). It would have been the perfect to use it as an opportunity to grow the relationship. Having had an incredibly difficult MIL for 26 years, I found that it was best to stay out of the relationship that my husband had with his mother, and develop my relationshp with her separately.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 10 months ago by Mandy.
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