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What Should I Do ?

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  • #92103
    SLiveLife1
    Participant

    The reason why I’m on here is because me and my Ex broke up in the middle of October as she thought it was for the best but we were still in contact and even up to the be the beginning part of November she was intimate with me and told me she loved me and that she missed me and that she could get close to me again and that she couldn’t be without me and on the 25th of November she was talking about coming up to see me to talk things out and that she had missed me and was looking forward to seeing me and stuff like that yet only 4 days later she turns round and says she doesn’t love me anymore and that she didn’t want to be with me and then I find out on the same day she told me this she has got someone else and she couldn’t even tell me she was with someone else. The thing is the guy lives where she stays and is a bit of a high flyer as he is a manager and has a car and stuff like that where as I don’t have a car or currently have a job yet but I am hoping to study my degree for I.T. The thing was though is that we were together for 5 and a half years and engaged for 4 and a half years but we had a long distance relationship but we had a connection and I was understanding as she had health conditions that she waited 3 years in our relationship to tell me and be fully intimate and open with me and I waited them 3 years because I loved her so much and if she was ill I would walk miles to go to the shop to get her stuff if the busses were not running to make sure she felt better and was always holding her and doing my best to look after her and make her feel better and just stuff like that. I had been through so much with her and all the stuff I have helped her and with all the encouragement I gave her all the love and support I gave her and all the times I was there for her when she was fed up about her work or her mum or felt down about herself I always had time to listen to her and all the times I was there for her hospital appointments to do with her health condition and she was scared and I held her tight and reassured her.She said that she started to lose feeling for me last year and that I asked her why didn’t she tell me and we could have talked it out and she said because she loved me but that she wished she had talked it out. The reason she said she was losing feeling for me is for the past 2 years I have had depression and found it hard to move forward and because of that she felt that I didn’t want to live with her and that I had hurt her and made her feel unloved for the last 2 years but the truth was I did want the same and I did try to explain but she wouldn’t listen and so because of that she said she couldn’t let me in and she didn’t love me anymore. The weird thing is though is I went to see her on the 4th of December last year and we had a short talk and I asked her for the ring back and she said she would send it but she kept it instead and when I talked about getting back together she paused for a minute or 2 and then said she couldn’t let me back in and that she did not love me or have any of them feelings for me and that she really, really, really liked this other guy. The last thing was as well that when I walked away she looked back at me twice and If she didn’t love me anymore wouldn’t the two years not hurt her. The thing is that our love was so strong and she even said herself we were soul mates for then a few days later to feel like that about someone else and I have seen the guy I don’t judge a book by his cover but he does not look like the sort of guy who would wait 3 years to get fully intimate with someone or would do half the things I did or would do for her and like I said just everything that we had been through and every single time I was there for her about her health or being there for her granddads funeral and stuff like that to just drop me after 5 and a half years like I was nothing but then keep getting cross singles from her like I will never forget you and I still really care about you. I did do all the mistakes you shouldn’t cause I thought that was the way to get her back but instead I think it back fired but then with all the mixed signals. I mean another was she was very insecure and we couldn’t even watch a film if there was a woman in it or when we walk down the street she was always looking to see if I was checking the woman that walked by out but I was never interested then all of a sudden she is fine with this guy and has no insecurities at all which I don’t believe because she had insecurities before I even met her. I guess I just want to know whether I should just give up as she seems to be happy with guy and there seems to be no evidence that she misses me or anything and that I just can’t believe she would just dump me like that after all that time and not have any love for me anymore. I mean I was never perfect myself in the relationship and I did shout at her at times because I felt so depressed and when we fought we would say the most horrible things sometimes which I regret but like I said we had such a connection and bond that I still felt when I saw her but it was like she was determined to see it out with this new guy and I just don’t know if it is a rebound or what but I just loved my ex so much and I would have loved her until the end of time. So if you could please give me your advice or opinion I would really appreciate it.

    #92116
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear SLiveLife1:

    I agree with you on the following points that you made in your post:

    1) “…all of a sudden she is fine with this guy and has no insecurities at all which I don’t believe because she had insecurities before I even met her.” I agree that no way her insecurities are gone and no way, unfortunately for her and her new boyfriend, that this new relationship of hers is a “Happily Ever After” relationship. Not even close.

    2) “…he does not look like the sort of guy who would wait 3 years to get fully intimate with someone or would do half the things I did or would do for her.” Not too many people in the world do so much for another person without much return on their investment. You gave and gave and gave.

    3) “…The weird thing is though is I went to see her on the 4th of December…” I agree that there is a lot of weirdness here, and therefore I agree with the thoughts behind your feeling that it is indeed… weird.

    It seems to me that she is not an honest person, not honest in telling you the truth about how she was feeling all along. I think fear played a big part in her behavior. Fear motivated her to keep distance from you AND to cling to you at different times. I think she finally broke up with you completely when she felt secure enough (but will not be for long) with the new guy. For as long as she wasn’t sure that he will stay with her, she clung to you as her safety, safety in your love for her. When she felt safe enough with him, she let go of you.

    Why did she feel safer with him? Maybe, likely, because he has a job and she hopes for better financial safety with him.

    What do you think so far? If you reply, we can keep “talking” here.

    anita

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